Hungover (and in love with Tutankhamun) by chelseyflood

I agree. Very well written, in that it flowed nicely and the character of the Tutankhamun man was nicely established, along with the growing empathy of the speaker. I would maybe have ended it on "a boy says, turning around in his seat to me." That is, I would either snip off the "defensive" end bit or use something a little subtler like "I prickle" or something to suggest the defensiveness. The reader will get it with just a hint. We have already had a good set-up which has shown us a thawing of the speaker towards the man, so we wil lgo along with it.

Nice work. The whole thing flows along effortlessly and the scene is perfectly envisaged. The only thing I would say is that the ending seems a bit abrupt. Still, it leaves me wanting to know what happened next.

Thanks for your comments. I agree about the ending, I still never know how the hell to end a thing...

The first thing that I look for in a story is a good prose style, and yours is really great. I thought it was particularly effective here, because you kept it clipped and simple, no bullshit, nothing overcooked (I'd probably lose the bit about imagining that she was the child when she takes the photograph, but that's all). This was a great counterpoint to the constant repetition of the goat man, and earned you some humour. I think the reason the last line doesn't quite work is because this is a girl who has struck up a relationship with a man most people would want to avoid. Therefore, we sense something a bit screwy about her. That's the great asset of the story: it gains complexity because we wonder about the girl. If she starts saying things like 'defensive', she starts to explain herself, and that takes away the mystery. Generally though, I really liked it. Stories about weirdos are hard to do, and I read this fast.