RE: In Hospital Greys v2
Sat, 2008-03-15 10:26
#1
RE: In Hospital Greys v2
Topic posted in response to In Hospital Greys v2 : http://www.abctales.com/story/kenny-mooney/hospital-greys-v2
Great writing.
A couple of things, you've used the word rendered a couple of times and it seemed to jar, and colours blurring and fading. It's a tiny bit overdone.
I'd put a few lines of dialogue in there - between the mother and son, nurse and narrator, doctor and patient. Between mother and son, they could talk about the tv.
The last two lines. I didn't dislike them as such, but I would work this into something longer. I certainly wanted to read more.
The style is fab though, really really good quality writing.
Drew
kenny_mooney
Thanks for the feedback Drew, much appreciated. This was an attempt to bring together my surrealist and conventional writing styles to make something that was still "interesting" but more readable. I'll take your comments onboard and give this another go, there's definitely more work to be done.
Thanks again!
drew_gummerson
"This was an attempt to bring together my surrealist and conventional writing styles to make something that was still "interesting" but more readable."
And that's exactly what it does. Have you read Rupert Thomson? - that's what he does too, in Five Gates of Hell, The Insult, Dreams of Leaving especially.
kenny_mooney
I haven't read Rupert Thomson, but I will be doing so soon, I think :) Cheers.