Fabricated Hope

Cat, It is difficult to react to a piece so intensely personal. It is well written and credible, yet mornful.I think the attempts at "black humor" (flirting) lend it credibility and break up the pervasive gloom. You might want to consider an ending that eases the sorrow. Perhaps, a personal memento left in remembrance, or an anecdote showing the lighter side of the deceased. Readers, like everyone else, like to walk away feeling good. Well written. J.X.M

You can clearly write very well but (don't you hate it when there's always a but) this story really doesn't hang together. The dieing girl clearly has a friend, yet her reason for dieing is that she has no-one to hold her head above water. She clearly has a spark for living (she's a flirt) but she has decided to commit suicide. Once in hospital after slashing her wrists and getting a blood transfusion she would have recovered, I believe. Where are her parents? Where are the parents of the writer? This is an extreme piece of teengage angst, which is very common indeed on here! It's a very good one in that it is written so well but I suggest you try another topic!