Growing Old Before Age by polidori

I’ve actually rewritten this countless times, but the reason I reposted this piece now was to get some input really. It’s like my naughty little child that I don’t know what to do with. It started life a little too preachy and I think it has some improvement without losing the central core of the: ‘growing old married to job and mortgage without fulfilling potential’ theme, but like you Tony, it still bugs me and although I don’t tend to get too precious about what I write, and I’ve recycled some of it, I can’t seem to leave it alone to just get dusty, curl up and disintegrate. Also I don’t even know what it is, it’s certainly not a story, I hadn’t thought in terms of looking at it as a prose poem, it was always more a thought or an observation, and perhaps the very fact that I have no definition for it shows in the writing. Would be interested to know some thoughts. Many thanks P.

I'm afraid that this just doesn't work for me either, it seems to be having problems finding a genre and is really neither prose or poetry (well to my mind anyway.) I would suggest either expanding it to make it a prose piece or cutting it back and re-formatting it to make it more poetic. Perhaps try doing both and see which piece flows?

Thank you tc and camus for your input and time. I now think that the first major problem to overcome with this is to give it some definition as to what it actually is, although my current intention is to completely rip to shreds and use it in a totally different way. Why does this now feel like holiday homework? Perhaps it will reappear in disguise - Transformer might even be a its title. Thanks again. P.