I would never, ever wear a bra by Juliet OC

Cutting it in half might be a bit much, but boil this one down a little and it becomes twice as powerful. I'd take the 'million and one things' cliche out from the opening line. If you want to keep it, at least bury it a little further in. The present tense started to wear on me, but by the end, I felt this story had to be written that way, and the overall effect worked. I really liked how she went on about how she'd like her life to be, and this effect fit in nice with the end-of-story realizations. The gory details weren't overdone, I didn't think. Very Lisa-ish. Juliet, I think if this were just condensed a little, it becomes a very good tale, or should I say, an even better tale. You've told it with your usual skill, but at times I felt like you told too much. foster.

Thanks guys, really appreciate that. It is a relatively new one, only written a couple of weeks ago, so your comments will really help me to edit it. I take the point it is overlong, will chop away and lose the cliche. Juliet

Not sure if you've edited this already, as I didn't find the problems they spoke of above. Very smooth and unexpected with the accident. I too liked her daydream - who doesn't do that? All in all, a good read. Lisa

Thank you Lisa for your comments and i am glad you found it unexpected, that was what i was trying to achieve. Real life is unexpected. No i haven't edited it yet, but i think i need to tighten the start and lose some of the back story dialogue in the first third in particular. But need to give it some space so i can see more objectively. Juliet p.s. very Lisa-ish, i think Foster means you :)

i have shortened this and hopefully the story is tighter and flows better. All opinions gratefully recieved. Juliet

i left a comment on the story itself ... i thought it would magically appear here too! oops

thanks all particularly Ivory, have tinkered with your suggestions, if you get a chance i would appreciate your opinion. Main changes at the beginning and at the scene. Juliet