Tremors In My Coffee

It's got ... *something* - though I'm not sure what. I think I just liked that it was different to most stuff. Substance-wise there's nothing really there, but that doesn't matter because it's short and, as you say, an experiment. Writing wise it's a bit heavy on the adjectives and thesaurus-happy, which makes it feel pretentious, and there are a few clumsy phrases like "My feet ... were curled up beside me" (which put me in mind of person folded neatly in half, feet resting against their head). But I liked the little bits in brackets, they gave it personality. And welcome to the site.

This is definitely a piece of two halves. I found the first part overwritten, though there were some nice images and I also liked the bits in brackets. However I think some of your sentences could do with being shorter and the whole thing needs to be crisper. So far, not over impressed. Then came the 'bangs' and it all seemed to move up a gear. The sense of panic around the narrator, and her own feeling of unreality, was very well captured. The bracketed parts took on an extra emotional charge. (The only one I didn't like was the one about seconds literally flying by, which clunked a bit). I found the ending emotional and wanted to reach out and pluck this person from the sea. It wasn't particularly original, but it was well thought out. I was surprised by how much I liked it in the end.