Help please?!
Tue, 2003-08-05 15:46
#1
Help please?!
I am trying to start a new short story and need a good opening paragraph to start with nad wanted to know if what I've got already is any good or should I go back to the drawing board?!
I started writing this diary today, maybe I should have started earlier but before today I didn’t know that I had less than a week to live. My baby daughter is crying in her pram outside, I’ll take her for a walk soon, after I have come to terms with my shocking news that someone has killed me.
Cheers
Kerry ;)
stephen_d
Hey this an excellent opening, stick with it. I feel that it just straight away draws me in to wanting to know more. A publishers dream. Only my humble opinion.
nitromoose
Don't change it :)
Becky
Hey! No! Don't change it at all. As stephen said - it draws you in, y'know? You have to keep reading...and you have to keep writing!
flash
Sorry is she already dead or about to die, i'm confused by the last line. Is she a ghost writing the diary. Intriguing.
I started writing this diary today, maybe I should have started earlier but before today I didn’t know that I had less than a week to live. My baby daughter is crying in her pram outside, I’ll take her for a walk soon, after I have come to terms with my shocking news that someone has killed me.
kerrberw
She has been poisoned and there is no antidote so she knows she is going to die. She then tries to find out who has killed her before she dies but she fails, her diary is then found over 100 years later by her great-great-granddaughter. I hope that kind of makes sense!
flash
Well i think that' s a great idea for a story, although personally i wouldn't open the story that way and if i were you i would consider restructuring the opening paragraph,if you're convinced it will work this way.
Very difficult to comment on such a short segment, it may will peice together perfectly in the end.
Hope it works out.