The Dying Village - angelam
Tue, 2006-03-07 18:15
#1
The Dying Village - angelam
http://www.abctales.com/story/angelam/the-dying-village
I quite like these fantasy-based stories, and enjoyed reading this one. I only have a couple of picks about it:
1. This is purely a personal bugaboo, but why do all heroines have green eyes, black ringlets, and heart-shaped faces? Must all heroines be beauties? and:
2. I would suggest more spaces between paragraphs; with flowing prose like this, and due to its length, it is a little difficult to follow on the screen. Breaking it up a little will make it easier for readers with short attention spans like myself to make it to the end of the page.
Other than that, good imagery, good 'scene' development/descriptions, interesting story!
chagrin
I'm alive with something inside of me
And I don't think I'm coming back
So come on come in inside of me
Let's spread it all around
archergirl
AngelaM, I am slowly working my way through your stories, and I have to admit I am absolutely gripped by them. I've just finished Sister of Filis and enjoyed it enormously.
A little thing: the possessive for 'it' is not 'it's', but 'its' with no apostrophe. And the place where you are describing the degrees of power between the various Magii is a little discombobulated (the level that X had was higher than Y's by a quarter, and Z's was half again that that of X's, and so forth) - is there a way to make this more clear?
Otherwise, I am hooked. Keep going...