writing about mental health

Hi Beeme. I had a very dark period in my life the winter I started university, and got very low - the lowest I've ever been. I wrote quite a bit about it in the spring to exorcise the demons and it really helped. Here are some examples: http://abctales.com/story/mistakenmagic/hide-and-seek http://abctales.com/story/mistakenmagic/were-all-mad-here http://abctales.com/story/mistakenmagic/miles-go-i-sleep Whilst I was suffering, I cut myself off from everything that I once defined myself with: music, poetry, writing and I disappeared from ABC for a month. I had to learn to return to all these things and find myself again along the way. But I'm happy to say that I did, and felt stronger for having been through it. So never think that you're alone, and know that ABC will always be here to support you! Magic xxx

To be honest, if I did have a mental illness or any other personal problem, I would feel a little frightened to discuss it on these forums. There are lots of nice, friendly people here but not everyone seems so friendly.

Like Beeme, I understand your trepidation, well-wisher, just for me, personally, talking about it was the best treatment and cure. Thanks for returning to 'We're All Mad Here', Beeme! Magic xxx

Hi Beeme, your poem was very honest and heartfelt. I left a comment earlier, so you already know what I feel about it! As far as poetry about depression goes, I have, in the past, shyed away from letting it all out in my writing, which, on reading your poem and reflecting on my own, now seems a bit unnessessary - dishonest, even! This is something I wrote recently, just a really short poem, if you are interested! http://www.abctales.com/story/itsstevedave/so-i-write

I bared my entire life on ABC and UKA through my diaries, beginning with my mother's murder, living with an abusive dad, being taken into care, coming out of care to homelessness and marrying the first man who showed an interest. A schizophrenic and abusive traveler who kept me like a battered slave. I had to learn traveler ways, traveler life and it took me seven years to pluck the guts to leave him. I also lost my son along the way. They stole him from me. Then, ten years ago, ABC and UKA got me through one of the worst times of my life. I was pregnant with twins and lost both of them, one at three months and the other a six and a half. I hemorrhaged and each vein they opened collapsed, I lost more blood than they could pump into me and my heart stopped. I had a heart attack and spent over a year not able to do much and waiting for surgery. I put on a lot of weight and it was decided that I'd have a gastric removal at the same time as my heart surgery. A year later I had further surgery. I came through it with no problems at all, but even so the support of ABC members pulled me through. I had to go to a simple day clinic to have my 200 external stitches removed. It was there that I contracted M.R.S.A I had open wounds to sixty percent of my body and the infection blasted through me. I had to go and have my stomach drained of blood three times a week when it would balloon inside me until I looked full-term pregnant. I'd go in looking ready to pop and come out flat and empty of liters of blood. The needle was thick an inch in diameter and was inserted straight into my stomach without anesthesia.I coped with depression, grieving for the babies and stigma and believed every day that I was going to die. I was terrified of leaving my youngest son alone. ABC people got me through it and I truly believe that if it wasn't for those people and my diary I wouldn't be here, fit, active and healthy, today. My consultant said afterwards that because of the severity of the wounds and the rate the M.R.S.A spread through me, that he was very worried. My attitude had me producing negative tests within four months. I guess it wasn't my time. But I put a lot of it down to this site.

new Beeme Hello! sorry having a bad time. Many go through it,but can't won;t speak of their experiences,including me. So much how I have empathy sympathy. Some books are Jennifer Rees Larcombe 'Unexpected Healing'. Amazing stories,and all kinds of different things,people suffer with all I can understand. Had so much from a child right through,teenager and married life! Church mainly my help! and eventually help others. Can't begin to tell you how much been done! But seems new way talking now,if one is happy. Read books on marvellous god's healing power. Done many things,achievement in all adversity! Been there,know all about it,know how treat and answer them,in proper ways,most have key workers,don't ask Q they will report too? If emotionally upset or depressed day,many things join,but some only wanted sit and smoke then. Like we have a great Editor t.cook (Tony) respect for all. Stories amazing people,in wheelchair,unhappy family etc; one day went to church and healing meeting threw away her wheelchair. Many stories well known! Course your a poet, left you comment praising you,on your Depressed Poem,not on or seemed to gone through! Some think in life's woes causes it. TRACK said 16 by mine yesterday? completely gone,under cavalcaderl. keep writing those archives. You found,the mind and spirit is like a typewriter, don't ever press the Capital hold button down too long! whatever in life one has go through! I know. Change of thoughts pattern of life! try something never done. Well deserved cherries! When older or young,terminate one's thinking,throw away pills,after while! who whatever,never accept no cure! who or what! Mental Health is a very difficult subject so many to discuss,why's and wherefore's happen course it all. Life is short age is coming! Be thankful for little things in life! Body working! Food,families,drink,love,trauma's,homeless,money children,parents,bereavement,personalities,work. Break ups. Babies,animals so on. Affairs. Lost love! Felling inadequate. Not being valued respected as wanted. Feeling someone is better than one. Disabilities. Many many more! who can do things better,than someone else! Mother in laws. Parents,husbands and wives,children. A world know time to listen care maybe. Mobiles where one answer,forget tell partner message if needed. Accidents in life! Illnesses cope! being branded. Just some. Friends want you or to go somewhere with them,then may drop you busy! changed world now! I couldn't speak properly,words came out back to front,when agitated if mine,mentally got into me. Pain! 14 years a cabbage! Many many things had done, until church? Must go! Sometimes we all have to go through something,tragedies,in laws,parents,job loss,children,illnesses,departing,break ups, it is in our experiences,can gently encourage and maybe help someone else. People see you smile,feel you have never been through any thing! never understand,so wrong! I can feel all the pain on here,been through it myself. And hubby three road accidents,now last motor bike gone! good case paid for daughter's beautiful wedding then. Now I can sit by parents dieing show love and care. Many professional people dealt with me too,mentally and physically,never let any one say there is no cure! Cos whacks you out,and believe! must go! Everyday someone somewhere needs help,some kind,friends don't always stay, need you and help spit you out maybe. Always look for someone worse off,as there are. Love will come to you,18 young,don't look for it,just enjoy your self,it will come doing things. Meeting. julie xx

Hi, Beeme, been there, done that, got the t shirt. Depression is a horrible experience to go through, and perhaps the worst aspect is that you can't explain your feelings to anyone who hasn't been there because they can't possibly even begin to understand. When you're down in the dumps it feels like it's never going to end, but believe me, you will get over it. It sounds impossible in the midst of such an illness, I know, but eventually you'll emerge smiling from the other side. If you ever feel the need to talk to a survivor of this devastating illness, feel free to contact me. If it wasn't for writing while I was down I doubt if I'd be here today. When I was really low all I could do was feebly attempt to edit old stories, but at least it kept my mind off my anguish for a little while. One step at a time..... Gradually I started writing fresh pieces. I guess a lot of my work reflects that dark teatime of my soul, but only a handful of my stories deal with that awful time directly. I haven't posted any of those pieces yet, but I've reached a stage where I feel I can do so without feeling vulnerable - and I will soon. Well-wisher, I doubt if you would receive any malicious comments about posting such sensitive pieces, but I understand your reservations implicitly. It depends how strong you feel now - my illness started perhaps fourteen months ago, and I was on serotonin boosters for about nine months. I've only been medication free for a few weeks, but I feel strong and confident now, stronger perhaps than I was before the onset of my illness. What you could do, if it's agreeable to you, is share something you've written with Beem privately - maybe it would help him/her to get through this difficult time.

Thank Beeme and Richard. Shit happens. Verdana, I don't think writing is a form of therapy... I think it's the best therapy. Once you've taught yourself to be honest (and self deception is the hardest of all to break) in what you write, it's more purging than vomiting into a bucket (which I have never done, incidentally) or slicing yourself open with a razor blade. And it saves a fortune in therapists. Richard, I know how hard adoption can be for the parents from the other side of the fence. In three years, before I was institutionalised, I had fourteen sets of foster parents between the ages of nine and eleven. The briefest lasted three hours, I don't think my social worker's engine had cooled before she had to go back for me. I was mute for five years and was a very angry little girl. I know I was the bitch from hell and the devil incarnate. So I can well imagine how hard it was for you. Taking on somebody else's child can never be easy, taking on a damaged child can blow a family apart.

This forum subject was bound to be treated in a kind, well-mannered and constructive way because of the subject matter. Regarding the forum that's upset everyone, well, there's only one person to blame for that, isn't there? If you go barging in and throwing your weight around anywhere with an arrogant, know it all, holier-than-thou attitude, eventually you're going to goad people into attacking you and saying things they wouldn't normally say, that's human nature. I haven't been here long, but I've already seen a few unkind, unnecessary comments in other forums though, Beeme, so I understand what you mean.

It's heartbreaking to think of somebody so young wanting to take their life. I'm never suicidal because what keeps me going no matter what, and I've had some very weird whats, is that things could be different tomorrow. Misery is like fear, it's all encompassing, but it's difficult to maintain long-term. Life can change, for better or worse, in an instant. For God's sake, if anybody feels like that and they have no family to turn to, come on here and start a thread, find somebody that you can trust and talk it through. I know from my experience that, while it might not be the Samaritans, there is always somebody prepared to listen.

Stan, I've just read this, what a horrible story and thank God for your neighbour.