50-worders (Space - the final frontier)

The temporal anomaly showed all of the colours of the rainbow, crackling with ozone and electricity. Above him, space as empty as his soul, millions of hard white pinpricks amongst cold unforgiving blackness. Standing on the edge of forever, ready to step into another time, Spock felt nothing but curiosity.

Kirk and Spock crouched defensively as they arrived on the strange planet. “Spock, I believe there has been some mistake, this isn’t the Planet of Sensibility, it’s… run Spock it’s the Land of Dulwiterings!” “Beam us up” the men screamed uselessly as they were slowly pummelled to death by boredom.

On deck fifty-seven I see him, clothed in gold, striding through this artificial bubble in the darkness of space like a god. I join the adventure for moments when he smiles. As he passes on, I recede, only illuminated for a moment, my story returning to the background, never beginning.

"Could this be the very edge of existence, Number One?" "Data reports the EM field here is consistent with theoretical predictions for the edge of the Universe, Captain." "Mr Data, do you have any theories to what might happen if we go to warp?" "No, Captain." "The final frontier? Engage!"

My name is James T. Kirk. I’m modelling my new range of teletransportable wigs. Each wig is made from the finest space-age materials – their DNA often very close to human. They are fazer resistant and, thanks to our patented klingon tape, guaranteed to stick in the harshest of alien atmospheres. If you want to buy my book, visit my blog: http://whatisthisstrangeplace.blogspot.com/

"Don't encourage people to use those infernal transporter contraptions, Jim." "They are undoubtably the safest means of transport, doctor." "Who asked you, you pointy-eared sack of statistics?" "Now, gentlemen... Ready for the demonstration Mr Scot?" "Aye, Captain, but I canna lock on to yer hairpiece." "No matter, I'll baldly go.."

Kirk tensed as he entered the warp drive chamber. Suspended above him, 20 feet apart, were the two containers holding the elements which drove the ship; Blairite and Brownite. He knew that one false move could bring the two into direct contact, ripping the fabric of space-time. Every fibre in his being cried out for a cigarrette to steady his nerves, but he dare not breach the new smoking ban in such an enclosed space.

"Quark!" "I'm trying to conduct perfectly legitimate business, Odo. Only 2 strips of Latinum..." "Ah, got you now, Quark, they've been banned by the Federation!" "These are fresh through the wormhole! They only release their gases - completely absorbed by the lungs - when they're sucked. Guaranteed only to kill legitimate addicts."

I meant to put my attempt at this one here but pressed the wrong key. It finished up in the general stories section. Sorry!

Everything had stopped; the vibration from the power drive, the lights, screens that still showed stars but no movement. We heard Kirk's sad voice "That's it everyone" he said. "We can't do any more. This really is the final frontier." "CUT" shouted the director. "Thanks everyone Great end- great series!"

"Seven, how would you sum up the effects of leaving the Borg and becoming part of the Voyager crew?" "Well, Captain Janeway, now I'm no longer part of the Collective I'm finally free to choose what to assimilate... but now I face loneliness and death has become the final frontier."

(nearly missed this one!) Ears Spock became self-conscious. He looked in the mirror one morning and was suddenly very aware of the pointiness of his appendages. He booked an appointment with the ship’s plastic surgeon. ‘I’m sorry,’ said the surgeon, collapsing in fits of laughter; ‘but I can’t do anything for you.’ Death grip! :-) * P * :-) ( Blog! - www.oddcourgette.blogspot.com )