Spadework by Ian Hobson

http://www.abctales.com/story/ian-hobson/spadework

this has a delightful plot, and i could see it acted out. However it does need some work.

It starts well with a good hook but then this sentence is very static.

"The two of them lived together in a cottage in the center of the village and were two of its oldest residents."

This is in 'tell mode' and is not needed as the story drops in this back information along the way.

The dialogue is stilited, you need to say it out loud, and then rework it. And the one sided phone conversation with Harvey is confusing.

Try to avoid words like suddenly! it marks the writing as amatuerish.

"Suddenly the telephone began to ring, so Lesley walked through the hall to answer it."

try

The telephone rings, Lesley hurries into the hall and picks up the bakerlite reciever.

As i said at the beginning it has a great plot and a nice pace, but tighten up sentences, get rid of unecessary words particular adjectives, which show rather than tell and then i think it will be a cracking story.

Obviously this is just my opinion, others may disagree.

Juliet