Concrit, Opinions?

Hi jacobea, I'm going to say that the opposite of your fear is the case. Reading the piece, I felt that it was very slow and a bit leaden. I was trying to work out why I felt this and managed to work it out: the style of the piece is very, very concrete. There are few, if any, metaphors, similes or descriptions that cast any light on what might be happening. People get up, have breakfast and have conversations. I can see it, which isn't a bad thing at all, but it just doesn't do anything for me. It feels very flat, with language that is very uniform and very linear. There aren't any images that really stick with me, or make me think 'I haven't thought about it like that'. I suppose I'm saying that writing doesn't have to be an attempt to describe a linear set of visual events, as if you were transcribing a film or television programme that you can see in your head. As such, it feels a bit overwritten and underwritten at the same time. I can, for instance imagine what someone getting up looks like, so don't need it to be described but I can't do that unless I have some feel of the person who is doing the getting up. I'd prefer to be able to do a bit of imagining of my own when I read. Cheers, Mark

_jacobea_, the task isn't making it quicker to read, the task is making it more vivid and interesting to read. A lot of great writers take an age to read, because each sentence throws up something that takes you by surprise and makes you think. So they produce short books that take a long time to get through. Other writers (stand up Stephen King) produce very long books that you can't race through very quickly, because, at a linguistic or descriptive level, they are less complex, so you don't need to work as hard to 'get the gist' of what's being said. My big tip for you is to stop worrying about describing exactly what happens, as if you were describing a film to someone who can't see, and start to describe how things feel, or smell or taste. Describe how your characters feel about things. Give them thoughts. When your character wakes up and feels the scratchy woollen blanket, does it remind her of being a child, does it feel like delicate nettles on her skin, or spilled itching powder? I'd really recommend anything by Michele Roberts, just as an example of full, rich, sensual writing that makes an effect on all of your senses rather than just your eyes. Cheers, Mark

On a purely pointing-out-the-plot-holes note: your vicar starts out as a catholic priest and only seems to turn in to a vicar shortly after his wife is mentioned.