Lycanthropy - fact or fable?

11 posts / 0 new

Wed, 2012-09-19 20:56

There's a large, dirty white stray cat that hangs out with our cats, and as it's crawling with fleas (and probably ear mites too) it keeps reinfecting our cats however often we treat them. This afternoon, on the pretence of giving the pussycat a hearty meal, I decided to treat it with a spot-on anti parasite chemical. It bit me on the wrist, and I have three deep puncture wounds - the cat may be missing a canine or that might just be down to the angle of the bite. I cleaned the wounds out with Dettol and they bled profusely, and now my wrist is aching like a bastard. I have a sneaking suspicion that the white cat is a werecat. Naah, there can't be any truth in that nonsense, can there? (Brief silence while The Walrus scratches his ears and licks his balls). Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.....

Wed, 2012-09-19 20:59

The Walrus

I've just had a shit amongst Mr. Johnson's prize dahlias and sharpened my claws on the legs of his posh yew patio table. I really couldn't help it. Now I'm going ratting down yonder brook. I shall be back around sunrise, and if there's no warm milk and Whiskas Supermeat (preferably cod flavour) in my bowl there'll be trouble.

Wed, 2012-09-19 21:25

scratch

Nine out of ten walrus's prefer cod. 78-))

Wed, 2012-09-19 21:29

The Walrus

Yeah, but I don't normally, I'm more of a steak and kidney pie and chips walrus, which reinforces my conviction that I'm a werecat.

Wed, 2012-09-19 21:34

Linda Wigzell Cress

That'll be the piece of cod which passerh all understanding. Try it with plenty of garlic. Linda

Linda

Wed, 2012-09-19 22:15

The Walrus

N-n-not b-bloody g-g-g-garlic.

Wed, 2012-09-19 23:58

KerryJDonovan

Two guys walking down the road. One pipes up, "Do you see that dog?" pointing to a dog licking its testicles. "Yeah" "Well, I wish I could do that" "I'm sure if you asked nicely it would let you!" Boom, boom! KJD

KJD

Thu, 2012-09-20 00:36

The Walrus

Hisss, I hate dogs. And fucking mice - especially, for some reason, mice called Jerry.

Thu, 2012-09-20 08:53

hulsey

There's also a ginger moggy that ventures into my back garden everyday. I know that it belongs to a neighbour, but it seems to prefer my garden as its hangout. Anyway, even though cats are not exactly my favourite pet, I feed it and give it fresh milk often. Now it is there first thing in the morning at my patio doors. However, it has scratched me a few times, not on purpose though, but cats are so disloyal. Trim those whiskers, Walrus, or should it be kitty?

Thu, 2012-09-20 11:56

#10

MrSquirrel

"the cat may be missing a canine" This made me think of cats going door to door with a picture of a dog, they're looking for it because it disrespected the cat mafia and they're going to give it concrete shoes and drop it off Williamsburg bridge into the East River.

Thu, 2012-09-20 12:20

#11

The Walrus

True, MrSquirrel. "We're looking for a scruffy mutt with a slight limp, a canine missing and a scar on his left cheek. The suspect answers to the name of Fido in his day to day life, but his close friends call him Cuddly Scamp Hairylegs. If I have my way, that mongrel will be sleeping with da fishes by dawn....."