heidi

TOUCHING ON VENUS Ever since I was a little girl I always thought when people die they became stars in the sky. When the stars twinkled it meant they were waving to you. My Nan died when I was very young and my Mum always had us believe that the brightest star in the sky was our Nan, the star which was all on its own with no other visible star around it. We were told the star was on its own so we could find her easily. At the time I didn't realise the star my Mum was associating Nan with was Venus. So many times I can remember being in my parent's car and waving out of the back window at the star we called Nannies star only to find the people in the car behind us waving. Of course they thought we were waving to them, but they didn't know about my star, the true object I was waving to. So many times I can remember being in my bedroom at night and looking up at the star, I would sometimes fall asleep at the window sill until my parents found me and put me back to bed. Seeing the star or should I say Venus in the sky used to always fill us with happiness and laughter. The star did not stop twinkling and we used to complain of our arms aching for all of the waving we did. In our child innocence we used to ask the star to stop twinkling so we could stop waving. When the star didn't stop twinkling so we would laugh as we thought we were being wound up. I know I am still calling it a star but this is what I always believed it to be. Now that I'm older I still follow the star. I often find myself talking to the star. If I'm out walking alone I follow the star home like the three wise men followed their star to Bethlehem and I know that anytime I need reassurance or just company I know my star will always be there. All I have to do is reach out my hand and begin touching on Venus and my Nan will respond. There I called the star by its true name Venus. But no matter what the star is called, to me it will always be my Nanny and no planet. Just my Nan. If I spent the rest of my life not believing in something I once did. I would not believe in what I believed in today. And that is the people we miss so much still being with us when we need it the most before and after death. Touching on Venus is what I will do until I become a star myself.

Yesterday he was so peaceful, Breathing was hard but manageable. Yesterday he seemed so far away, Yet on the bed we could see he was there. Yesterday...