VeraClark
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Hello Broamalia, this is
Posted on Thu, 18 Sep 2014
Hello Broamalia, this is going well and your description is really considered.Perhaps consider giving the old woman and boy a name so that there isn't too much anonymity along the way.
'leapt' in the last line.
Read full commentPosted in Progeniture, Ch. 4
Hi Stephen, you've asked for
Posted on Wed, 17 Sep 2014
Hi Stephen, you've asked for some feedback - just had a read through your piece. Welcome to ABC firstly. There are some lovely poetic qualities to your prose, particularly the last two paragraphs. The little girl is intriguing and I want to know...
Read full commentPosted in Journey
Intriguing characters and the
Posted on Tue, 16 Sep 2014
Intriguing characters and the dialogue pulls your reader in. You could open with 'She bent to retrieve' and tag your other paragraphs onto the close of last chapter. Keep going.
Read full commentPosted in Progeniture, Ch. 3
Laughed wildly at this. It's
Posted on Sat, 13 Sep 2014
Laughed wildly at this. It's absolute truth and your characters are all so real on the page. Never give your ideas away and erm, polite cough-cough, never knock Virginia Woolf. (She's a babe)
Read full commentPosted in I have no sympathy
Fleshly is fab! This is very
Posted on Thu, 11 Sep 2014
Fleshly is fab! This is very resonating - something you don't like to mull over because it grows in stature and it's composed as starkly as industry is.
Read full commentPosted in Saltley Gas Works (Necropolis)
Lots to like. Cuttingly
Posted on Sun, 07 Sep 2014
Lots to like. Cuttingly satisfying. I admire your no nonsense style and it's witty to boot.
Read full commentPosted in Stacey on the Lunch
A lovely intro, its
Posted on Mon, 08 Sep 2014
A lovely intro Lindy, its independent swagger works for me. Consider adding an adjective before 'up to the imposing front door' to clarify that sentence. I'd use 'trickled' but lots would fit.
Whose favourite? Give 'her' a name so that the...
Read full commentPosted in A difference of Opinion
A real fan of your work. You
Posted on Fri, 05 Sep 2014
A real fan of your work. You are very skilled at translating mental health for both those in the know and those that are not, who need showing to gain a perspective of what schizophrenia may mean.
connection missing a 'c'.
This...
Read full commentPosted in The Science of Fiction
This is enjoyable darkness
Posted on Sun, 07 Sep 2014
This is enjoyable darkness Phillip, not too heavy on the emotion with macabre elements that make it very unusual. Agree about cutting the top two. If you start at 'Then there were' - you don't need to introduce the magic lantern because the poem...
Read full commentPosted in Magic Lantern
Hi Pom, a warming poem and
Posted on Wed, 03 Sep 2014
Hi Pom, a warming poem and your woolley theme is a comforting one rather than the usual age-related negatives that creep into poetry. Unravelling's missing an 'l.'
Read full commentPosted in Age
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