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My stories have been read times317 of my 3,299 comments have been voted Great Feedback with a total of 322 votes
317 of my comments have received 322 Great Feedback votes
1 Vote
The format makes this quite
Posted on Wed, 20 Apr 2016
The format makes this quite hard to read. Had to squint. It's a haunting piece, can feel the darkness.
'the same routine I have for a year now' - omit 'been'
I haven't read Ch 1 yet but why is Noah in prison? He feels a little too tender and caring, need to know why he is inside and how does he cope if such a softie?
You gave him life, a woman deserves a rest after agony.Such complexity. I remember the dawning after my first child that the responsibility was permenant. OMFG!!! :-) A really brave piece and stronger for its candidness
This is charming, rhyme runs well. Did feel that the second lines in first three stanzas might have been chosen because they fit the rhyme and could be developed to extend the metaphor some more.
The mirroring of each natural act illuminates biology and does a tremendous job of overwhelming your reader's emotions through vivid, dramatic imagery that is full of sensitivity. Gorgeous.
There is something gothic and macabre growing bigger here as you read, the merge of frozen nature and frozen child (perhaps child, I dont know) You create a stark tableau.Great use of repetition, I think this is beautiful.
You make a whole new world make sense. The detail on childhood is believable and gives just enough sense of coldness and detachment to not to want to ever go back.
The format makes this quite
Posted on Wed, 20 Apr 2016
The format makes this quite hard to read. Had to squint. It's a haunting piece, can feel the darkness.
Read full commentPosted in WW1 ghosts
'the same routine I have for
Posted on Wed, 13 Apr 2016
'the same routine I have for a year now' - omit 'been'
I haven't read Ch 1 yet but why is Noah in prison? He feels a little too tender and caring, need to know why he is inside and how does he cope if such a softie?
You could...
Read full commentPosted in The Come Up:Alex Brown, Chapter 2
A Parisian departure.
Posted on Tue, 12 Apr 2016
A Parisian departure. Particularly like how you collide two worlds, two eras together and a relection which paints all the colours of a mother.
Read full commentPosted in 'Evening in Paris' (Poetry Monthly)
You gave him life, a woman
Posted on Wed, 06 Apr 2016
You gave him life, a woman deserves a rest after agony.Such complexity. I remember the dawning after my first child that the responsibility was permenant. OMFG!!! :-) A really brave piece and stronger for its candidness
Read full commentPosted in Breech of the Piss
This is charming, rhyme runs
Posted on Mon, 04 Apr 2016
This is charming, rhyme runs well. Did feel that the second lines in first three stanzas might have been chosen because they fit the rhyme and could be developed to extend the metaphor some more.
Read full commentPosted in To House A Home
Through to the bone, the
Posted on Fri, 01 Apr 2016
Through to the bone, the heart. So well conveyed, Bee.
Read full commentPosted in Phantommams
The mirroring of each natural
Posted on Wed, 30 Mar 2016
The mirroring of each natural act illuminates biology and does a tremendous job of overwhelming your reader's emotions through vivid, dramatic imagery that is full of sensitivity. Gorgeous.
Read full commentPosted in First Breath:Last Breath
There is something gothic and
Posted on Tue, 29 Mar 2016
There is something gothic and macabre growing bigger here as you read, the merge of frozen nature and frozen child (perhaps child, I dont know) You create a stark tableau.Great use of repetition, I think this is beautiful.
Read full commentPosted in Chanter - (poetry monthly)
All that suffering's worth it
Posted on Mon, 28 Mar 2016
All that suffering's worth it, you can feel the chemistry. Some razor lines, a touch of wit, a rabbit and a threat.
Read full commentPosted in Her eyes became the future
You make a whole new world
Posted on Wed, 23 Mar 2016
You make a whole new world make sense. The detail on childhood is believable and gives just enough sense of coldness and detachment to not to want to ever go back.
Read full commentPosted in The Net Caster (Part Seventeen)
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