Outside

Nice to see some poetry from you again, Beeme ;) Just because the piece is short doesn't mean it's not finished - I think you round it off wonderfully and you've got loads of brilliant images here!

Magic xxx

A beautiful poem and I love the way you have two separate themes going on here- theme of love and separation, captured by the image in the last stanza showing how the moon and the sun are far away from each other, causing the other to fade. Wonderful. Well done.

Nathan.

Thankyou Magic, I was quite nervous writing a poem after what feels like ages. So I'm so glad you enjoyed this and liked the finish. It means alot :)

Beeme XX

Thankyou Nathan I'm very happy you enjoyed. I'm glad that you liked the themes and thought the layout worked.

Beeme XX

It's all been said, Beeme.

Just a couple of very minor points to make it even better. Fourth line, should read 'Its head' "It's" how you have written it, means, 'it is', which isn't at all right;-) The other thing is...last word, second stanza, 'to' needs to be 'too', meaning as well, or also. Makes all the difference.

Wonderful imagery here, and my favourite lines:-

'A flapping bird, outside
rests its head on the moon.
I blink and so do the stars'.

Magic;-)

Tina XX

Thankyou Tina, they are also my favourite lines :)
I'm glad you enjoyed, I've changed it's and to. Thankyou for letting me know.

Beeme XX

It's just purrfick now, Beeme;-)

Tina xx

Thankyou Tina ;-)

Beeme XX

Hi Beeme,

I would call this well and truly finished, and very well done. If I were to be very pedantic I would suggest the last line starts as "I too want to disappear", just my thought, please feel free to tell me to disappear.

David :--)

Thankyou Kheldar,

I'm glad you enjoyed.I like the suggestion for the last line, would you keep 'because you are not with me'? :-)

Beeme xx

I was looking for your block poem, which I thought I saw yesterday, and found this little gem instead, I think the ending works beautifully as it is, and it's good to see your poems again.

Hi Beeme, sorry, my fault, yes I would definitely keep the whole of that line, it was only the addition of the "too" I was suggesting (i was TOO lazy to put the whole line in my suggestion).

Having said that, by leaving out the reason for why you want to disappear it does add a sense of mystery and also gives a nice balance to the last stanza. Hmmm, I will leave that up to you I think, its whatever you prefer.

Kheldar :--) xx

P.S. I always feel a trifle humbled when someone takes on one of my suggestions, thank you

Hi Shoe,

I haven't finished my block poem yet, but I'll post it as soon as I have, its keeping me busy ;-). I'm glad you enjoyed thankyou for letting me know what you think about the finish. I also like it how it is now. :-)

Beeme xx

Hello Kheldar, I have decided to keep the last line how it is. As you said I think it has a nice balance and adds an air of mystery. No need to thank me, thankyou for your suggestion, I was struggling with the ending ;-)

Beeme xx

Beeme, this poem is marvellous! It has a magical feeling, when it's so late and only you can see theses things. I read this since all these changes & I can still tell you are missing someone ;) . I love it all, especially 'I blink and so do thew stars'! Kx

Thankyou K, I'm glad you enjoyed (:

Beeme xx

Yes, I liked the bird resting its head on the moon line and the stars blinking. Sort of takes the whole thing spiralling upwards into something unreal and much more interesting. And the flash of light towards the end does the same - the sort of moment when you see something going on in the sky that must be an enormous event somewhere in deep space but goes barely noticed down here. Sorry - probably not making much sense. I liked it a lot. Rob

Thankyou Rob, I'm glad you enjoyed. You made sense, the images make the poem more interesting and surreal :-) I haven't wrote poetry in ages ... so i'm just glad people like this (:

Beeme xx

new Beeme
First stanza The crystal blue sky
leaks into the sea.wow.
I like it all,but I could
definitely feel you wanted space,
two are missing each other here!
Mystery explaining was good.
Especially like the bird
that rests's it's head on the moon,
lovely images
julie xx.

Thankyou Julie, I'm glad you enjoyed. Well done on your recent cherry, richly deserved.

Beeme xx