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River Of Dreams

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Published by Beeme on May 15, 2009 - 13:23

River take me in your arms and let me drift with you,
Through the glorious harmony of dream star river.
The silver slipstream, into the cold black night.
Your dreams left waiting as it tumbles away out of our sights.
Left my reflections imprinted, clear as day, in the water of my life.
So pure, yet so empty,
waiting for nature to replace me, sweet , pure nature.
River of my dreams, my life.
Gentle hold me again,
All the whispers of advise you gave me, tossed away,
far, far , so far .... From the day light and swiped into the black night.
Nature has taken it's control, wild, wild, rages.
Let me guide you from the night it says, but will you ever be back again.
The mystery of the night gets told.
River of dreams don't get washed away.
No hope left with me, if you were to go away,
My dreams, my life, you carry them.
So river , sweet , innocent river.
Take me in your arms and let me drift with you.
Through the glorious harmony of dream star river.
The silver slipstream into, the cold black night.
Your dreams left waiting as it tumbles away out of our sights.

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Comments

Jasper_Milvain | May 15, 2009 - 17:20

out of are sights
Should of course be:
out of OUR sights

Beeme. This one is great. Easily the best of yours that I have read so far.

The repetition is smooth and unpretentious. The tone is emotive and uplifting. The imagery is poetic and the message consistent.

Well done.

My gosh, I wish you'd take a little more care with checking your work before you upload it. The mistakes do detract from the overall impression, and first impression, just as in real-life counts for a lot.

Thanks.
JM.

Beeme | May 15, 2009 - 19:34

I have corrected, my only mistake is the same as last time, obviosuly i have a problem of OUR and ARE< thas much I never notice them. If i noticed i was using the wrong word, then of course i would avoid it- i try my best.

Thankyou for your comment JM.

This was the first poem that I ever wrote when i was thirteen, but I never thoguth it was very good, this is what started my love of poetry, so im glad you like it; i only just had a urge to upload this today.

Beeme

SundaysChild | May 15, 2009 - 22:10

I think this is lovely, Beeme.

Jasper_Milvain | May 15, 2009 - 22:21

Hi Beeme.
Erm... being picky, you've got to change ought to out in the final line.

p.s I am no one to talk by the way. I'm a fairly slapdash type myself and I really have to concentrate to spot my typos too. It goes against the grain sometimes, but it is well worth it. Hope this poem gives you the drive to write some more.

Thanks.
JM.

Curse of 222 | May 16, 2009 - 02:47

i must agree with JM...this is easily the best of your poems on here. it is smoother and feels more polished. and, i'm in the same boat with the typos and must agree that it's worth the time and effort to proofread...
you've done a fine job here. i look foward to more pieces like this...now that we know you've got it in you.

jason

Beeme | May 16, 2009 - 09:42

Thankyou all for your comments

Beeme

Beeme | May 16, 2009 - 09:43

Thanks for you help JM and Jason

Nolan | May 20, 2010 - 20:27

Beautiful! The course of flow: From nowhere - your river - to - tranquil - still - pure - lifeless - gentle - murmur - turmoil - rapids - rage – drift - tumble - 'falls - to - oblivion.

Interesting! Lovely!
Nolan

PS. But the tone really is very serious (May 2009). You've managed to develop a defiance and "tragic optimism" since. You’re certainly very versatile as far as style and content go. This one is beautifully descriptive but I would rather like to think of it as “poetic prose”.

Beeme | May 20, 2010 - 20:56

Thank you Nolan for such a compliment and encouragement, it means a lot. I'm glad you enjoyed, I wrote this poem so long ago- one of the first poems I ever wrote:) I think any improvement is due to abctales, the helpful comments I have received. I'm very happy you've seen a development in my writing.

thanks again :)

Beeme xx

MaliciousMudkip | December 21, 2011 - 13:06

This is great. I love it. :)

Nolan | December 21, 2011 - 17:18

Your poem has a haunted quality. As just before sunrise on a neap tide, the sea starting to glisten. Still. Quiet. Desolate.

I like these your older poems better. Really it's just a question of taste.

& Cheers!