Little wonder

An interesting form to this one, Richard, and it works so well. You show each small scene, then add the line that puts it in a new perspective. Those last three, particularly, hit the spot. Great stuff.

Thanks Stan. The addict one is a picture that may never leave me; it was in the papers about five years ago, a young girl in a bedsit found days after her death. Just can't get it out of my head and, yes, I unashamedly blame the govt and the army for her death.

Big thanks to the cherry-pickers

A poignant and beautiful poem. Well-written too. I particularly like the lunatic and addict, and the 'broker/breaking' pun.

I feel there may be too many commas here though, which slow down and confuse the piece, especially here:

The infirm,
too gone to ask for help,
to die.

The comma after 'help' confuses the meaning of "help to die". I think it's because we wouldn't normally use a comma like that in normal speech.

I'm not sure about "too gone" as a phrase. Maybe "too far gone"?

Also, not sure about "the infirm" and "the obese" as descriptions of people. I personally wouldn't call somebody "an infirm" or "a weak" or "a fat". How about "the obese man"?

Thanks for the help, Salman. Always good to hear constructive criticism. I'm on it.

You're welcome. Incidentally, why do you blame the government and army for the addict's death?

new blightersrock
Hi! Richard love this poem.
So full of everyday life.and images and
happenings. I can't do constructive comments,
or at home just do what feel.
You have explained all of this so well!
The addict at then end hands in prayer!
And each stanza of life's happenings described so well. Pur-fect spelt wrong, cat purring.
Well done cherries!
ps I do know about that comp; you mention,once
involved always pay and keep sending, get my meaning!
Plus age concern! do own poetry near hear too. Worthing Library. Poet's Corner back! Pub. Thought may like to know. How is your book doing. Hope all is going well for you.
cavalcaderl julie x

You asked..
The govt have replaced jobs and honour with dole and drugs. The war on terror acts as a convenient tool to instil a sense of fearful gratitude among the public and to bagsy the best smack and dope to numb and de-populate the West's emotionally vulnerable and ill-parented.
The govt's duty of care has diminished without shame and is overseen by a legal system that cares only for itself.
Social services have gone mad, ruled by faceless, unqualified experts who answer to no one in order to confuse and lengthen cases to fill the pockets of lawyers. The mismanagement of adoption and family law in general is a snakepit of deception, causing untold suffering to the vulnerable children that the govt chains to the system.
Once parentless or badly parented children reach adulthood, they're eight times more likely to go to prison, become alcoholic, chemically dependent, sell their bodies and die before their time compared to well-parented children from unbroken families. Financial constraint on parents is the biggest cause of separation, which feeds the system with yet more cases that frustrate parents and alienate children.
Depression is now widely attributed to circumstantial debilitation caused by a legal system that plays with people's emotions like seals off a whale's back.
With each divorce, the govt is presented with another victim whose housing needs and utility bills he must meet or face homelessness. Fathers are being systematically de-humanised to set them apart from society and diminish their sense of responsibility.
The army oversees the transportation of drugs for the govt, while their personnel, most of whom are decent, upstanding citizens, would be of more service to the British people fighting crime and helping to rehabilitate the mindset of the young and vulnerable at home rather than servicing someone's else's war abroad under the flea-bitten flag of democracy. The govt rewards criminals with privileges, views the poor as a ghastly statistic and uses the middle-class to elevate the status of the rich.
The police are the UK's largest drug-dealer by far, utilising laundered money for drugs. They pick on the weak and vulnerable to achieve targets and shy away from dangerous criminals unless the media demands otherwise.
The UK has become a services island but we need spiritually rewarding work to enhance the lives of the poor and corrupt.
The govt has no intention of changing the status quo, which serves only the rich.
Girls and boys are dying from drug addiction and alcoholism every single hour. The number of deaths attributed to addiction are minimised to a fraction in order to lull the young into a false belief-system that drink, taxed to the hilt, is not that harmful and that the taking of drugs is a rite of passage to adulthood.
The reality is that drink and drugs are the UK's biggest killer and ruiner of lives, and the govt's general apathy to constructive change sends a hopeless message of depression to the young.
Perhaps this girl's prayer was answered, but I still hold the govt and the army responsible for her death.

Hi Rich, loved this. Like Stan the last few lines for me were the most compelling!

Interesting form, flows really well, and I love the imagery; some ironic, some just desperately sad, but all really striking. Hard to believe you've only recently turned your hand to poetry, this is so well put together. To recycle the old cliche-
You've always been a poet,
you just didn't know it!

Good answer, Blighters. Good answer...

Big thanks to Jolono and Sid. Always wanted to do poetry really, just thought it was a bit fluffy and prim before.
How wrong I was.

'The govt... views the poor as a ghastly statistic and uses the middle-class to elevate the status of the rich.'

As George Carlin put it: 'The upper class keeps all of the money, pays none of the taxes; the middle class pays all of the taxes, does all of the work; the poor are there just to scare the shit out of the middle class...'

Scalpel sharp, I like the way you kept the form strong, no mean feat when writing about such hard hitting stuff. a very thought provoking poem.

Hi Julie, Great to hear you're keeping up the good work at Worthing Library, and I hope you'll be at the Wheatsheaf on the 15th May with Raymondo.
Hi Shoe, Great to hear from you and I like scalpel sharp. Just snagged my little finger Stanleying an old box to save on buying one to send some piccy books!
Hi Stan, Carlin's got it right for sure.

Great work Richard. I like the obese woman bit - you could be describing me back in the days before I got thin! One of these days I will have a go at writing some poetry...

Hello there blighters.
Shoe has captured what I would have said.

And this "...a young girl in a bedsit found days after her death, Just can't get it out of my head..."

reminds me of a similar tragic scene not so long ago.
Regards

Alison, I'd love to read your poetry. I'm sure you'd pack a massive punch. What I find so exciting about the form is that you can say so much with so few words.
ScoZen, those scenes are commonplace but swept under carpets pretty sharpish unless the media gets a sniff.
Probably half of all the Guildford punks from my teenage years had died through drugs by the age of thirty.
Most govt ministers had shares in their constituency's pharmaceutical concerns back then. Drug dealers the lot of them, just like today only it's on a much bigger scale now.

A brilliant series of portraits, expertly painted, Richard. I especially love:

"The broker,
breaking hearts and whatever else
he can find."

Well done on the cherries!

Magic xxx

Many thanks Magic for a very kind post. Good luck with the exams. Ask for all the nigglesome worries that may be buzzing around your mind to be removed beforehand and you'll be right on the button.

new BlightersRock
Hope you are well. Just read your
kind reply,you know you are a fab;
poem writer. News is I read in paper forgotten,
exactly said,somethin to do with, The best Poetry
For Cildren is Animation they love and like to read?
There you are Just like your wonderful book, You did
"Of Course You Can Meet The Queen" was. Animation write meaning "Disney Land". I agree with most you say, but knowing what know,one has be careful still?
Also from beloved belated pop,then Nay man drink. Family suffer big family,then painter decorator sign writer,always every night of his life! pub,eventually
not amount,one more just one more, one a day it is in
the system already too late,rows arguments,some can be violent of course. Need for something else in life! Well write you points to the MP.
well difficult time "Panda black eyes, never said anyone shop mechanical fall. Only emailed Editor Tony, as may have had broekn wrist, could;t type,
not sue whre it was going! amogst other things fall. But t.Cook Editor Tony has big crash skiing Alps. Under (IP) sent me lovely email be acreful! get well soon very nice. No Wrthing way back! Ray took me,but if don't belong to there poetry 90 out 100 can't read,depends where it is. I have had trips things,never seen face like mine! smile please, your on candid camera joke. Taken four weeks. Deeply improved,all involved,cuts bruies and more and with,
clot trips up steps,tree stumps,and home in and garden if carrying things arms. Someone else did out. prayers and for all needed give and Tony all needed..
take care bless you.
julie x

Blighters, lots of comments and such thoroughly deserved praise. It's really top drawer this one. Somebody above praised how you maintain the form, I echo that as well. The rejoinder to each cameo is, in my opinion really outstanding and lifts the piece above the crowd. As always it's a pleasure to read your stuff.

OOh, you're lovely, Scratch, and a new baby with you too. I bet you're nestling now, you lucky thing.
Thanks for your beautiful comment.

Well done on this. It works very well and packs a punch. Look forward to hearing it at the Wheatsheaf!

Rob

Thanks, Rob. Looking forward to seeing you at the Wheatsheaf.

Both the poem and the resonating reality from this is powerful and painfully true. The fact is I would be dead now, if I hadn't faced the truth that my addiction was killing me. an addiction that started in my twenties, and became stronger when I lost my job and saw no way out. Since then my life has turned around, but it has been a slow and painful process...I am still unemployed and with only half a degree, half employable. I totally agree that the system has to change, and as long at the people in power look after themselves then it will never change... this is not a localised to the UK, the UK suffers the most as its sense of class is far more obvious here than abroad. (that aside I am very aware of human trafficking, or slave trade by another name in the Uk and how the UK is being used.) but I believe its the nation state that is at the heart of the problem. That and the connections it has to money. In the end we, as voices, poets, writers and journalists, have a right and a duty to point out the flaws in society. Your poem succinctly points out the holes in society that we have to confront. well done.

Great to hear from you, Alphadog, and well done for conquering your demons (which, as you know, is an ongoing battle!)
I have no doubt that it's a battle that can walk hand in hand alongside fighting for a fairer world. After all, I used on the world's unfairness from the word go, but then it got to the stage that I took on the world's problems because mine were too big!
Circumstance can be the best healer, and the duality of our battling spirit is altogether beautifully and undeniably complimentary, resonating equally with the most disenfranchised and the better off, mostly because addiction and disenchantment targets people from all walks of life, thank God.
I now pray for the rich in the same breath as for the vulnerable and hungry, which would have seemed unthinkable only months ago.
The system does need to change but I get the feeling that it will require the full backing and welcoming of the rich as of the poor, and only through shared adversity may our hopes be realised.
Here's to you, Alphadog. You're not half-employable because you only have half a degree. That's a modern myth that has served the govt very nicely in keeping down youth unemployment figures. Now there's no jobs left, they start charging! Wicked.
I fled from education with 6 very ordinary O levels, sure that the best university in the world is life and seeing as much of the world as possible.

I have to say it has been the half degree that has brought me back, that and a loving wife and kids that I wouldn't be without. You are right about the rich. they have to be as motivated. I Like the O levels comment but you still beat me. I had 7 cse passes... and I was lucky to get them. and I have a taste for the world. :) have a great week. :)

It's horses for courses, I reckon. After my illustrious O levels, I found that I couldn't concentrate for more than a second on anything other than LSD, women, parties, pubs and travelling, which became the fabric of my life for way too long.
Now I'm finally growing up (I'm forty bloody seven!), I see it as a passage of time I had to go through to enjoy life without stimulants to dull my feelings of alienation from the world as I previously saw it.
I totally admire you for seeing out your degree course. It's obviously something you're extremely passionate about and not just a means to an end.
I didn't mean to dissuade you from following your dream to get a degree. It's just I have a mental block on universities (probably to be found in the form of a very worn-out chip on my shoulder!) My Dad's a fully fledged professor, Cambridge Don (and outcast), academic-extraordinaire and status quo dissident but it was he who told me never to go to university, to run and take in as much of the world as I could, so with my deftly selective hearing and unquenchable thirst for hedonism I remembered it very well.
I've got to say I'm passionate about education and love reading my picture book story to children in primary schools, which is an amazing experience that I never dreamt would happen to me.
I'd love to meet you so if you can, try to get to the Abctales evening on May 15th in Soho. It's a really good night out with some amazing talent. If you'd like to read your poetry, email Tony Cook. He knows winning work when he sees it.
Have a brill week and hunt down that degree with flying colours!

Cheers Bligter I might make May, but I need cash first. the works not there and the benefits have been removed, so I am trying not to convince myself that we are not in a financial depression... of course we bloody well are. If I can't make May is there another date in November?

No doubt it's a depression, mate. They can call it a double-dip with chocolate on top for all I care. Stay strong and keep positive.
The next one's on September 11th.

ps. just tried to contact you privately but there's no contact bit on your file so I'll post here.
It's a longshot but if you live in the Surrey area I could pick you up and we can go to Soho together on May 15th. I park for free in Putney and catch the 14 bus from there (£2.70 return with an oyster/ a dastardly £4 without). The £3 entry can be waived cos they've stopped your benefits (surely that's not right but I've been there) so it's pretty cheap all round.
Richard

Sad to say I don't. I live on the Sussex coast, in the small town of Steyning. I doubt I will be able to make the May event now, as I heard yesterday a close friend died, so I have to make myself available to get up to Milton Keynes for the funeral, which will be sometime this month. I will also check on how to have a private address. :)

Bloody hell, I'm the last in the queue and everyone else has stolen all the good stuff, comment wise. Really enjoyed it, what a poem should be.

Cheers Florian. Off to read the third installment of your latest series.

So sorry to have missed your beautiful post, your encouragement and your empathy, Julie.
You're a star.
Richard x

The obese woman,
scoffing fat-free crisps with Diet Cola
and delusion.

Guilty your honour. And vodka always feels better with a diet coke, tastes bloody awful but it alliviates the guilt.

Great observation.

Blighters you've hit a rich vein of late ther's no doubt about it. Oh but you've a talent my man. I know i'v left a comment above but all I'll add is thanks for posting it. Big smile Blighters.

Big smile back, Scratch. Your words are massively encouraging.

new blightersrock
Hi! Richard, hope your well.
Just bouight The Big Issue. Congrats;
both your poems in,should get paid. Like I did.
"Little Wonder" and "I Won't Hurt". Well done!
Now off to "Simon Gray" Singing For Pleasure".
Then Nursingham Home. Wish Ray not keep changing his
mind,dates snooker and bowls. Oh! well sun is out catch it quick.Back soon. Won't stay over York; now says will. Cancells full week booked bowls snooker,now cancelled Thursday very difficult,after put down list going. Must be his pills heart etc; on.
take care. julie xx

Thanks for letting me know, Julie. I'm off to buy a copy in town. Glad to hear your life is as busy as ever. Are you going up to York for the Abctales evening? sounds very tempting. I haven't been north for donkeys.
Wishing you a lovely day.
Say hi to Ray for me.
All the very best to you both.
Richard x