Checkout" Scene Six Supermarket Teashop Morning

“Checkout”

Scene Six Supermarket Teashop Morning

The elderly spinster sisters, Olive and Gwen, have just arrived and are getting themselves sat down looking around to see if there is anyone else in the teashop. They see Leanne; the prospective Bride, looking very glum, and Mel, the prospective Bridesmaid sat at their table close by, looking at the menu.

Olive:
Look those two girls seem to spend all their time in here.

Gwen:
Yes, I’ve noticed that. They’re always here when we are.

Olive:
Yeah, probably don’t know what a day’s work looks like.

Gwen:
Different in our day, eh, Olive?

Olive:
I should say…

Gwen:
That was a close shave…out there in the car park!

Olive:
What was?

Gwen:
You…nearly running that lady over!

Olive:
What lady?

Gwen:
We really must get your cataracts done!

Olive:
I can see perfectly well.

Gwen:
All the same…

Olive:
Oh, don’t keep all on about my eyes. Let’s just change the subject, shall we? I must say I was relieved it went off so well.

Gwen:
What? Oh, you mean the Tea Dance. Yes, I was worried at first. especially when we were all herded into that warehouse place.

Olive:
It was so cold in there and then to be told the staff lift was broken and I saw that lift thing that we were going to have to use.

Gwen:
It was a goods lift that’s why it had to be open like that.

Olive:
Well, you know what I’m like about heights. A thick pair of stockings and I feel queasy!

Gwen:
I’m not surprised you felt queasy.

Olive:
I couldn’t wait to get off the damned thing.

Gwen:
It was a good afternoon though. And those girls…who would have thought they could be so entertaining?

Olive:
Especially the one who’s usually on the Express. She’s always got a face on. Mind you, her sister, the one on Customer Services can be just as bad.

Gwen:
Yes, in fact, I think she’s worse. They’re twins you know?

Olive:
Yes, I know. Maureen and Doreen. Doreen’s the one on the Express and of the two she’s the one with the more miserable face.

Leanne:
I can’t help it. It’s him… Garry!

Mel:
But you’re supposed to be getting married in a couple of weeks. Have you told your Mum?

Leanne:
Yes. She’s got her outfit and everything. She’s bought the most gorgeous hat. Three Hundred and Fifty Pounds just for a hat…and her
shoes…

Mel:
Never mind about all that. What did she say?

Gwen:
She said Pickled Walnuts give her wind.

Olive:
I’m not surprised. Did you see how many she put away?

Gwen:
I still say Pickled Walnuts was not the ideal choice for elderly people!

Olive:
Yes, I thought the same.

Gwen:
That elderflower cordial was a bit special though…it had a kick like a mule!

Olive:
That was them twins. I saw them pour two bottles of Vodka into those jugs of Elderflower Cordial.

Gwen:
And you never said anything.

Olive:
Never look a gift horse is what I say. Especially as The Daffodils took on supplies. Their rendition of, I think it's a Queen song, “We Will Rock You” will live with me forever!

Gwen:
I don't think I've ever heard the Queen sing that! And who would have thought Petunia could break dance like that. At least, I think that’s what it’s called.

Olive:
Yes I think it is. Dangerous for a woman of her age though…and on top of the piano like that.

Gwen:
That piano was specially hired so I hope they got their deposit back.

Olive:
Still, it was nice the W.I. ladies appreciated all our efforts.

Gwen:
We didn’t really do anything.

Olive:
We organized it…if it hadn’t been for us asking the Manager.

Gwen:
Yes, that’s true. I don’t think she would have done it for anyone else.
She always says we’re her two favourite customers.

Olive:
So, what are we going to do now?

Leanne:
Cancel the cars. I’ve done everything else.

Mel:
Are you sure about this?

Leanne:
Yes. I want white walls and a cream sofa and he wants children so…we’re incompatible!

Mel:
Couldn’t you meet him half way?

Leanne:
Babies don’t come in halves! Besides, I’m not unreasonable. I’m prepared to compromise…cream walls as well as a cream sofa but no children.

Mel:
What did he say to that?

Olive:
This foot is giving me gyp.

Gwen:
So, are we going home?

Leanne:
“That’s not a home I want to live in!”

Mel:
He said that.

Leanne:
Yes.

Mel:
The way he’s behaving…I think I know what his trouble is.

Leanne:
What?

Mel:
He’s grown a set…

Leanne:
A set? Of what?

Mel:
Balls!

Leanne:
What! I can’t be expected to marry a man with balls!

Mel:
No, it’s a bit inconsiderate…at this late stage.

Leanne:
You think he would consider my feelings.

Mel:
What are you going to do?

Leanne:
I’m giving it one last shot. I’ve made an appointment with Relate.

Mel:
I thought they were only for people after they were married.

Leanne:
I’m not marrying anyone until I know what colours I’ll be living with.

Mel:
Yes, you’re right. Who knows what you might end up with?

Gwen:
You could end up having it off.

Olive:
That’s just what the doctor said.

Gwen:
You’ve been a martyr to them feet for years.

Olive:
Should have had it off years ago.

Leanne:
I thought you had.

Olive:
A Bunion like mine?

Mel:
What? No, came near once but he pulled out right at the last minute.

Leanne:
How selfish and I bet it was just when it was all coming together?

Mel:
Yeah, so I’ve never bothered since.

Leanne:
Were you upset?

Mel:
No, not really. I wasn’t ready to get married.

Leanne:
Too young?

Mel:
No, irreconcilable differences. I couldn’t find a dress! Not something I would want to get married in anyway and he thought I should be
prepared to get married in any old dishrag!

Both:
MEN!

Leanne:
You can’t live with ‘em and...

Both:
YOU CAN’T LIVE WITH ‘EM!

End of Scene