“Checkout”
Scene 3 Supermarket Teashop Morning
Olive and Gwen, the two elderly spinster sisters are sitting eating at a table. Close by Leanne and Mel, the prospective Bride and Bridesmaid, have just arrived. Mel is searching for her purse while Leanne casually flicks through a Brides Magazine.
Leanne:
Are you going up to order something to eat then?
Mel:
Yes. I’m just looking for my purse.
Leanne:
I just hope I can force something down.
Mel:
I’m sure you will.
Leanne:
That’s easy for you to say. You’ve always had a good appetite.
Mel: (Pulls out purse)
Ah, here it is.
Leanne:
Thank goodness for that. Thought I was going to have to fish my purse out.
Mel:
No, you’re all right. So what do you fancy?
Leanne:
Can’t say as I fancy anything.
Mel:
What about an All Day Breakfast? You like them.
Leanne:
What gives you that idea?
Mel:
Well, you’ve had one before.
Leanne:
Yeah. Once…only once before…maybe twice…
Mel;
Oh, okay..I wasn’t…
Leanne: (Interrupting)
I’m not like you, you know.
Mel:
What do you mean? Oh, never mind, what you gonna have?
Leanne:
Well, I can’t manage one of them All Day breakfasts that’s for sure. (Pause) No, I’ll just try one of them Olympic breakfasts.
Mel:
But they’re even bigger.
Leanne:
Are they?
Mel:
Yeah. Two eggs, two bacon, two sausages, tomatoes, mushrooms, hash browns. Oh and two slices of fried bread.
Leanne:
See what you mean. Tell you what… leave out the tomatoes (pause) I’ll have two slices of black pudding instead!
Mel:
You’ll never get that lot down.
Leanne:
Hark at you. Talk about kettle. You and your full fat yogurts. But you don’t hear me making sly remarks.
Mel:
Oh, sorry. Anyway, what’s the news on Mark? Is Garry going to have him as Best Man?
Leanne:
I’m still working on that one. All I’ve got to do is get Garry to change his mind.
Mel:
It hardly seems fair to do that.
Leanne:
Do you, as Chief Bridesmaid, want to sit next to the gorgeous Mark or dopey Crispien?
Mel:
They have been friends for years.
Leanne:
Yes, well he needn’t think that, once we’re married, Garry will still be at his beck and call.
Mel:
No, because he’ll be at yours.
Leanne:
Exactly.
Gwen:
No, not exactly.
Olive:
Well, whatever it costs it will be worth it.
Gwen:
Anything that makes parking easier for you, dear, has got to be worth it.
Olive:
I know you’re right.
Gwen:
It makes sense on every level.
Olive:
Okay. It’s decided. We’ll go for it.
Gwen:
Yes?
Mel:
No?
Leanne:
No, I can’t stand him. He just makes my flesh crawl.
Mel:
Still, he is Garry’s best mate.
Leanne:
That’s no reason to pick him as his Best Man.
Mel:
How long has Garry known Mark?
Leanne:
Couple of weeks…maybe a month.
Mel:
One thing’s for sure, he’ll make a better speech than CRISPIEN!
Leanne:
Anyone would make a better speech than Crispien.
Mel:
Still, we are rotten…
Gwen:
No, we’re not. There’s lots of women like us.
Olive:
Where do you think the best place is to have it put in?
Leanne:
In the pub.
Mel:
When have you got to meet him?
Gwen:
Next week.
Olive:
Not before?
Gwen:
No.
Mel:
You don’t mind him being in the pub as long as that?
Leanne:
No, he’ll only have one small glass of Merlot while he’s waiting.
Mel:
He’s a diamond…your Garry.
Olive:
Yes, I know, but I was still hoping he would put it in before the end of the week.
Gwen:
We’ve managed without for this long…
Olive:
Yes, but I’d like to see what it's like when it's in.
Gwen:
Would be nice, I suppose.
Olive:
Get the feel of it , so to speak!
Gwen:(Interrupting)
Look, Olive, look! There’s the Store Manager just going over to Customer Services.
Olive: (Getting up)
Quick, we might just catch her because we really need an answer today.
End of Scene
Comments
Stan | January 21, 2012 - 16:34
Hi Moya,
I'm interested to see where you're taking this. It flows well, and the conversation is realistic. I like they way, too, that we get a good physical impression of these women through what they say, rather than through description. Is it a radio play?
Keep it going.
Stan x
Denzella | January 21, 2012 - 17:13
Hello StanMyMan,
I'm not sure myself yet Stan because these were four minor characters in a six part comedy drama series I wrote with TV in mind. Unfortunately Sky put on Trolleyed. However, I thought they could work on here because they can act as four stand alone characters.
Olive and Gwen were integrated into the series because there was a storyline which involved them.
So I'm dipping into the series for some material and re-writing other bits.
Thanks for reading though. Just starting to think not a good idea. So appreciate your encouragement.
Moya x
Stan | January 21, 2012 - 18:06
Defintely a good idea, Moya. I love writing scripts myself. Sometimes, when nothing else seems to be working, getting a conversation going between two characters will often spur me.
Don't worry about where you're going to go with it or what you're going to do with it. Just do it! That's the important thing.
Keep it going... :) x
Denzella | January 21, 2012 - 21:42
StanMyMan,
Your words couldn't have come at a better time. The old self-doubt was just beginning to do it's work then I read your first comment and it lifted me to the point that I've just finished writing Scene four. So thanks once again for your comments.
I really appreciate you taking the time and trouble away from your own excellent writing.
Thank you
Moya x
jolono | January 22, 2012 - 21:42
Moya, another good piece. I agree with Stan, just do it!
Sounds like a bloody Nike advert!
Are you going to introduce any other characters into this, I could see a stranger sitting at a table eating ( good looking man) and both couples trying to guess who he is!
Keep it coming...