I’ve plucked my eyebrows and cut my toenails
So with eyes tight shut I nervously step on the scales
Then I summon up the courage to open one eye
Yes, what did for you was that meat and potato pie!
I could have been here all day if I hadn’t taken a peek
But apart from the pie, I’ve not eaten for more than a week!
How can they say I weigh ten stone two?
You can laugh but I bet I weigh less than you.
Never mind, I’m determined to lose weight this week
I’ll lose so much I’ll be described as quite sleek.
Yes, I am determined to start this new regime
Like Martin Luther King…I have a Dream!
So, no, I’m not worried, the holiday is not until August!
And you can stop gawping, it’s only my breakfast
Just half a grapefruit…oh, and a yogurt, for me,
Some cereal, a fry up, toast and jam and my usual mug of tea!
Well breakfast is the most important meal of the day
You can’t argue with that it’s what the experts say.
What! Is that the time? I thought it was gone eleven
Still it’s hardly surprising…I’ve been up since seven
So I’ll make a sandwich, brown bread, no butter
Just that awful, car grease, margarine spread!
Oh dear, now I am in a pickle or even a plight
I’ve looked and it seems I’ve only got thick white!
Thank goodness time flies ‘cos now it’s lunch time
And it’s come in the nick before I run out of rhyme!
So now a wee morsel can legitimately pass my lips
Nibbling at the cheese though can put inches on hips
Still no calories were harmed in the making of my lunch
But one banana! I thought I could eat the whole bunch!
It’s been three weeks now since I started this diet
And I know I’ve lost weight so I’m not keeping quiet
And I want to help so will pass on a very useful trick
For dinner, eat two lettuce leaves and then a carrot stick,
But a sweet tooth needs one of my very best top tips
Eat a Royal Gala, no…not the apple…just the pips!
So now it’s time, once again, to get on the scales
So confident am I…I’ve not even cut my toenails
Oh, such villainy, what cruel trick is this I inwardly groan?
These digital deceivers are saying I’ve put on half a stone!