The Sky At Night!
The sky’s lit up the sky’s on fire
I hear the drums I hear the choir
Rockets zoom and stars burst out
And people run and people shout
‘Look, Mum, there goes another one’
Says the little lad who’s someone’s son
Lured by the lights is this lost little boy
His Mum cries out ‘Where is he, where’s my Roy?’
But now the sky looks very bright
It looks almost to be alight
It’s just a look, it’s not aflame
There is no need for any blame
People look up in shock and awe
Were they not words once used in war
But now the battle here above
Has frightened off a peaceful dove
The band strikes up a marching tune
And wakes from sleep a dozing moon
Then one by one the stars come out
Twinkling and casting light about
The choir starts a new refrain
How nice to hear them sing again
The crowd gives a terrific roar
When a lone voice begins to soar
The singer is the peoples’ choice,
A young tenor known as ‘The Voice’
He too has fought battles like you
But out of sight so no one knew
This is no time for reflection
Nor can I show my rejection
Of this celebration of life
So ’Time to go now’ I say to the wife
She has left hospital for good
I would take her pain if I could
She wanted to come home to die
She must not look and see me cry
Amidst this great celebration of life
There looms the death of my dear wife.
Comments
Linda Wigzell Cress | August 8, 2012 - 11:40
A striking and touching poem Moya, the contrast between the brilliant fireworks and the sad reality of what this couple is facing comes across very well. Can I be cheeky and make a small suggestion? I think verse 5 might read better if you try adding a 2 syllable adjective such as 'shining' or dozing' or similar before 'moon', even maybe replacing 'disturbing' with disturbs', and perhaps add 'their' before light. Hope you don't mind me saying! Either way the poem is great.
Linda
skinner_jennifer | August 8, 2012 - 12:37
So many different emotions in this poem Moya,
I thought the descriptions were amazing.
A fantastic poem that made me think.
Thankyou for sharing.
Jenny.
Denzella | August 8, 2012 - 13:31
Hello Linda,
Your suggestions are always welcome. I liked the idea of a dozing moon so went with that. Please tell me if what I have done has made it better.
Thanks for the read and your helpful comment.
Moya
Denzella | August 8, 2012 - 13:33
Hello Jenny,
Thank you for reading and as usual leaving a lovely comment.
I am so glad you thought the descriptions were good. I have had a picture in my mind since the Queen's Jubilee.
Moya
Linda Wigzell Cress | August 8, 2012 - 13:47
Hi Moya, thats really nice now. Makes an already good poem great I think; main thing is you are happy too!
Linda
jolono | August 9, 2012 - 08:36
Hi Moya, missed this. So much good stuff on here and so little time! Spending so much time at the moment watching sports that I have no interest in and know nothing about and will never watch again, but am glued to the box watching them!
I thought it was really good, some great imagery going on, certainly wasn't expecting the ending!
Enjoyed this, hope your'e ok and keeping well.
sue dinum | August 9, 2012 - 21:44
Excellent poem, Moya. Good rhythm and rhyme, lovely sentiments, very touching. Much enjoyed.
Trev
Denzella | August 10, 2012 - 23:05
Thanks Linda for your help with this.
Much appreciated,
Moya
Denzella | August 10, 2012 - 23:10
Jolono,
I so agree there is such a lot of good stuff and I want to read it all but can't so have to stick to those that comment on my work as that seems only fair.
I will get over to catch up with your stuff as soon as I can because I think you said you were going to post a 'Missing.' And then there's Jake.
I'll get there eventually.
Moya
Denzella | August 10, 2012 - 23:12
Hello Trev,
Thanks for the read and the encouraging comment. Particularly liked the good rhythm and rhyme bit.
I try
Moya