Words flow from you,
like a poisonous flower
At one hundred mouths per hour.
The weatherman said
beware of snow, but you’re
the coldest bitch I know.
You always offer me
your advice ,but your words
to me strike cold as ice.
Time together should be fun
But instead it was just wasted
The sweetest kiss I ever had
Was the one I never tasted.
Comments
Denzella | July 10, 2012 - 18:16
Hello Edenfalls,
Liked this very much, particularly 'At one hundred mouths per hour' but all is good.
A really enjoyable read
Moya
maisie | July 10, 2012 - 19:36
yes one sweeps along with the rhythm of this poem, and halters after mid point, to come safely home in the final stanza...
much enjoyed!
Sooz006 | July 10, 2012 - 23:30
Words flow from you,
like a poisonous flower
At one hundred mouths per hour.
The weatherman said
beware of snow, but you’re
the coldest bitch I know... this is great, it's so raw and bitter. Perfect love gone sour.
After the first two stanzas it seemed to lose some of its balls, but then the last two lines were great.
Edenfalls | July 12, 2012 - 11:50
Thank you Moya, me old china!
Edenfalls | July 12, 2012 - 11:50
Kind words maisie, thank you.
Edenfalls | July 12, 2012 - 11:51
Sooz, you are spot on with that comment, that was the bit that worried me. I knew the last two lines would bring it back, but was worried about the middle.
jolono | July 18, 2012 - 09:03
The last four lines were superb EF.
Edenfalls | July 22, 2012 - 22:16
Thank you Jolono.