The Bothers

“Everybody! Out! Now!”

“Excuse me?” said Ned

“That’s it!” said Stanley. “Now you’re all gonna drown!”

Ned stood back and watched as Stanley the plumber raised his mug of beer and doused it over his own head.

“I’m not cleaning that up,” said Ned. “Have you gone nuts?”

“It’s got nothing to do with me. I’m fine. It’s these people in my head. They won’t let up. They’re like a swarm of pigeons pecking at my bread crumb of a brain.”

Oh,” said Ned. “Is that all?”

“All? Ain’t it enough?”

“What you got is a bad case of the Bothers. At least that’s what my grammy always called it.”

“The Bothers?”

“Yeah. The Bothers. It’s like this. You let people get to you, but instead of showing them all the door, you decide to give ‘em all free room and board in that wee head of yours. Now they’re crowding each other for your attention and it’s a bother. A chorus of voices shoving you around and giving you grief over things you ain’t got no control over. Never had and never will. And since so many voices are singing the same song you figure they must be on to something so you stumble in here figurin’ you’ll kick them demons to the curb once the booze kicks in. But they ain’t goin’ so easy, so here you seat. One big sopping mess. Is that about right?”

“Agreed.”

“Okay. Then what you need to do is get out the rowboat.”

“Rowboat?”

“Yeah. It doesn’t have to be a genuine rowboat. It can be a rowboat in your head. Then what you do is invite all them bothersome people to step aboard. ‘Plenty of room for all,’ you’ll say. Make yourself a list of passengers so you can check 'em all in as they board. Make ’em feel like they’re going on a proper excursion.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Then once they’re seated nice and cozy, sucking on their Margaritas, you pull the plug.”

“What plug?”

“The plug your imagination put in the boat while you were sleeping. Pull it and watch as the boat goes down like a miniature Titanic, but without the pesky lifeboats. Once the boat goes down, so go the Bothers. Nothing but still waters ahead for the rest of your life.”

“Thanks, Ned. I’ll go home and give it a shot. Till tomorrow.”

***

“How go the Bothers?” said Ned.

“Someone spotted the plug and now I got a mutiny on my hands. I still ain’t captain of my own rowboat. Give me a beer and a shot. And a dozen Margaritas for the crew. It’s gonna be a long night.”

Photo courtesy of Wiki Commons:

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