Mother's Day

“Ok – car park’s nice and empty. Wonder why? Toby, leave it alone darling. I want you to be good now and we’ll surprise mummy when we get home ok? Don’t cry Freya we’ll put you in the buggy– just stop wriggling for a minute while I do up the harness”

Oh Jesus this must be the first time I’ve had them both – just realised. Still – it won’t take us a minute to nip in and out. How bad can it get really?

“Toby!”

God I’d forgotten how he runs in traffic.

“No need to look at me like that you bitch. Don’t you ever use that word Toby. How was I to remember? You try looking after two children yourself – see how you like it”

“Ok – let’s get a basket……..What? But you can’t possibly need to go to the loo Toby, we only just got here. You can’t go on your own while we make a start? No I suppose not. She probably wouldn’t like that."

“Ok – now…..where’s the bread. Don’t cry Freya, we won’t be long. Yes Toby well she might want her bottle but she’ll have to wait. You shouldn’t have taken so long in the loo. Ok – bread – what kind shall we get – this one? Now strawberries…..oh for god’s sake they’re at the bloody entrance. Lord this is tedious. Where’s the butter?”

This place is not rationally laid out. I notice I’m not the only man here today who seems to think that

“Flowers for mummy and then I think we’re done – yes well if you’re tired Toby blame Waitrose. Never seen such a shambles in my life. I don’t know how mummy does this so regularly and doesn’t notice, and I certainly shan’t be doing it again soon”

“Ok – nearly finished now. We’ll wait patiently Toby, to pay the lady. Not until after we’ve paid – no you can’t – the strawberries are for mummy. Oh god no - please please don’t have a tantrum I couldn’t bear it. Milk!! Ok Tobes stay there – look after your sister. Daddy’s got to run off for a minute – keep the place for me”

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Well I could hear you from miles off – please don’t cry anymore Toby, and put your shoes back on – oh lord get off the floor – not here ……we’re almost finished now – here take a bag. Now where do I put the card?”