Julian asks about Blackbirds

Ok, I've just given him his Ready Brek so questions should follow shortly. But today will be different, I've been up since bloody 6.00am cleaning the house so i'm ready for him. Today i will ask the questions that way I'll be in complete control!

"Mum, who has longer arms, men or apes?"

Here we go.

"Not sure darling, what are you doing at school today?"

Brilliant, I've changed the subject and I'm in complete control.

"Well first we'll be singing some songs, then Mrs Cavanagh will read us some nursery rhymes then painting"
"That sounds like fun, what songs will you sing?"
"Sometimes we sing a song called Morning has Broken, its got Blackbirds in it, do Blackbirds always sing in the morning?"
"Yes Darling they are the most wonderful,lovely birds that make a beautiful sound"

This is more like it.

"Do we eat them?"
"No of course not, as I said they are lovely things that have a beautiful song"
"When they die, do they come back to life and start singing?"
"No of course not, as I said, they are lovely birds that have a beautiful song!"
"What songs do the Blackbirds sing?"
"They don't actualy sing a song they just make a lovely noise"
"What sort of noise"
"A sort of squeaking noise"
"Squeaking, what like a mouse?"
"No not like a mouse, like a whistle, thats it, a noise like a lovely whistle"
"Like a Recorder?"
"No, like a whistle!"
"Flute?"
"No like a bloody whistle!"

Ok, stop shouting, get the control back.

"You know in a football match when the referee blows his WHISTLE, its like that!"
"So a Blackbird sounds like a referees whistle?"
"Yes Darling"
"So Blackbirds must be banned from all Football matches, because if they started singing all the footballers would stop playing wouldn't they?"
"I suppose so Darling"
"I know, I know, thats why all Football matches are played in the afternoon, cos the Blackbirds have finished singing then haven't they?"
"Yes Darling, thats it exactly"

Ok must get away from this now before it gets out of hand.

"What nursery rhyme is Mrs Cavanagh reading for you?"
"One about lots of Blackbirds, that are baked in a pie then come back to life and start singing! Thought you said we didn't eat them?"

Fuck.

"Ok finish your breakfast or you'll be late for school!"