" Mum, when frogs are small are they called tadpoles?"
"Yes darling, well done, they are called tadpoles"
Thats good, he must have learnt that at school, that Mrs Cavanagh is really good.
" What are they called when they're smaller than tadpoles?"
"Err, just the same darling. Tadpoles!"
"But what about baby tadpoles, what are they called?"
"No darling, they are just tadpoles, first the frog lays eggs then the eggs turn into tadpoles"
"So baby tadpoles are eggs?"
"Yes, I suppose they are"
I'm getting a bad feeling about this, he could go anywhere now!
"And when Frogs get bigger, they become Toads?"
"No, not Toads"
"No, not Crocodiles, Frogs are just Frogs, Toads are just another kind of large Frog and Crocodiles are completely different!"
That Mrs Cavanagh is useless!
"Tommy Atkins in my class said that tadpoles become Frogs, Frogs become Toads, Toads become Crocodiles and Crocodiles become Dinosaurs!"
"Well he's wrong"
"So what do Toads become?"
"They don't become anything, they're just Toads!"
Ok, deep breath, calm down. Its 8.15 in the morning no point in getting worked up. Just explain it to him again. Nice and simple.
"Look, Toads are not Frogs, they may look like Frogs but they're not. They are a different colour, Frogs are green and Toads are brown. Crocodiles are another animal all together. OK?"
That should do it, I think he may understand now. Did quite well actually, when you explain things like that nice and simple he gets it. Well done me.
"So what are baby Toads called?"
"But you said that Tadpoles were baby Frogs!"
"I know, I know, I know. Tadpoles are baby Frogs and Toads"
I'm completely fucked now!
"What about Alligators, are they baby Crocodiles?"
"YES, YES, YES"
"For gods sake just eat your breakfast or you'll be late for school!"