MY SOUL TO KEEP - CHAPTER 2 - Daisy Mutton 1785-1792

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from the ABC set MY SOUL TO KEEP

Life was not so easy in the last quarter of the 18th Century; unless of course you belonged to that class of people who controlled the wealth of the land.
But growing up here in the Hampshire countryside was not so bad. At least the air was fresh - sometimes you could almost feel the breezes from the sea - not that Daisy had ever been there.
Daisy's Father worked on the land farmed by the people living in the Big House; by and large they were a good family to work for, and sometimes outgrown clothes for the children or his wife came Mr Mutton's way. Work was regular, so unlike many townsfolk at that time there was always food on the table and wood for the fire in Winter.
Daisy's Mother worked hard to keep their small cottage clean and tidy. She made the most of what they had, cooked and scrubbed and sewed, but all in all Margaret was satisfied with her life.
As the middle child of five children, from an early age Daisy was expected to do her share, whether a bit of weeding on the vegetable patch outside the door, or fetching in wood for the fire, a job she especially hated in the cold darkness of the Winter months.
Summers were sweet; the children ran free in the fields under the glorious Hampshire skies, played tag until they dropped, exhausted, onto their backs in the cornfield and counted the clouds hanging lazily above them.
Her best friend was David from the Big House; he was just a year older than her, and often away at school, but in the Summer he found his old playmate and he and Daisy would fish in the pond, throwing stones at the ducks, then settle down to talk dreams on the river bank. His parents were glad to see him occupied during his holidays, and made no objection to the friendship; but already school was changing the boy and their relationship was not quite so free and easy as it had been.
That’s how it was that Easter when Daisy had turned seven. She had been helping her mother prepare vegetables, and made sure the two younger children had had their bread and cheese for lunch.
She was getting rather bored with the company of her younger siblings, so when David arrived with his little brother Edward in tow - a rather sullen child, always whining and complaining - looking for something to do, she was only too glad to put on her cloak and go with them to have a look at the river. It had been raining on and off for what seemed like weeks; the river had increased its flow from its usual steady trickle to quite a fast rate; what's more, it was unusually deep in some places, and had actually burst its banks here and there. They started off by skimming stones across the torrent, then Edward started sulking because he couldn't throw as far as the others, so David suggested they stand on the little bridge, and race sticks in the current, which was much stronger than usual because of the floodwater.
This kept them occupied for some time, then Edward's twig did not reappear from under the bridge. He started to cry, and insisted his brother should go and look for it. 'don’t be silly Eddie, just get another one', replied David, who did not much like the idea of slithering about on the muddy bank. 'It's only a rotten stick.'. By now it had started to rain, and Daisy decided it was time to go back home. Edward was not convinced. He pulled away from his brother's hand and rushed down to peer under the bridge to try and find his plaything. 'Come back Eddie, it's too deep there' called David, but too late, Edward had already fallen in and was being carried along, in spite of his desperate attempts to get back to land.
The two children watched horrified as the little boy splashed and screamed; suddenly Daisy made a run for the bank, jumped in and pulled the crying child ashore, into the safe hands of his brother. She stood up and shook herself, soaking wet and covered in weed and mud. Her feet were squelching, and she lifted one muddy foot up to inspect the damage to her boots - she only possessed one other pair, her Sunday ones, and Mother would not be best pleased at the state of her everyday footwear.
Then - it all happened in a flash; she lost her footing, fell in the now rushing stream, and was gone almost before the boys realised what had happened.
The people in the village rallied round her family and searched all night until, just as the inky darkness gave way to a murky yellow glow they found her, not all that far from where she had fallen in, her body held down by a branch, partly covered by weeds. A wound on her temple bore witness to the stone her head had struck as she fell in. The search party crossed themselves and prayed to God that she had not suffered.
Her father carried her home; her mother screamed when she saw the terrible burden he bore in his strong brown arms, and she fainted into the arms of Beatrice Donnelly, David's mother, who knew that this woman's child had died in the act of saving hers.
And so it was that little Daisy went so early to the churchyard. Squire and Mrs Donnelly, ever mindful of the debt they owed this little one, paid for the funeral and the small memorial made from local stone.
They gave Margaret a little pendant, set with a blue jewel, in remembrance of her brave daughter. It was the only jewellery she had ever owned, apart from her plain wedding band.
She never took it off, and was wearing it until the day she too passed away, which was less than a year after Daisy had been laid to rest. She died, as many did in those days, giving birth to her sixth child, another red-haired daughter. Her Father called her Margaret Rose, after her mother.
Margaret's stone is just over there, next to Daisy, so she can comfort her child as they sleep. You can just about make out the inscription :

Margaret Mutton, beloved wife of William and devoted Mother.
1759-1793. R I P

The Donnellys paid for that too.

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Comments

Ewan | January 3, 2012 - 19:55

I'm assuming you're aiming this at teenager/young adult readers. Even so, some CW tenets still apply. Have you heard of 'Show, don't tell'? You tell the reader at the very beginning:

'Life was not so easy in the last quarter of the 18th Century;

Your piece would seem much more alive if you showed the reader that life was hard. I'm assuming Daisy is the focal point of this chapter. A description of Daisy's father working or Daisy watching her father work, or working herself - as I'm sure many children did in rural Hampshire in the seventeenth century - would grab your readers attention much more effectively. I see you list some of the work that Daisy's father does, again this kind of list is just 'telling' not 'showing'.

The game of Pooh Sticks (avant la lettre) is well described and the accident is fine. I believe you could experiment with seeing it from one of the other children's point of view. I don't mean in the first person: use 3rd person omniscient POV but concentrate on one of the children's internal monologue and reactions to the drowning.

Margaret's stone is just over there, next to Daisy, so she can comfort her child as they sleep. You can just about make out the inscription :

Why switch to the present tense? If the chapter started with a 1st Person narrator, someone guiding us round the graveyard, it would make more sense. I suspect that may have been the idea, since you use 'here in Hampshire' at the beginning, but it's not obvious.

Good luck with your writing.
Ewan

Denzella | August 7, 2012 - 08:49

Well I loved this story. Ewan is right about the show don't tell bit but for me the story just pulled me in. I forgot the technicalities and just enjoyed the story. I think these two linked pieces are absolutely beautiful. I loved them.

Moya

Linda Wigzell Cress | August 7, 2012 - 10:00

Hi Ewan. A very very late reply to your kind and helpful comments, only just discovered by me as Denzella has just commented. At the time of posting this I was bound up in looking after my dear Dad, who was near the end of his long life, and I let things slip. This tale and Chapter 1 was intended as part of a novel, and I kind of abandoned it, but my interest has been renewed by Moyas new iunterest, so I will take on board your kind comments when I eventually do an edit. Thanks for reading.
Linda

Linda Wigzell Cress | August 7, 2012 - 10:03

Hi Moya, as you see from above your interest in this has woken me from my long slumber too! Thanks for reading, I will consider posting some more chapters. I should say (geneaology being an interest of mine) I have also devised a full family tree for some of the characters I bring in. See what you've done now! Thanks for reading hope your fab 'drama' is going well
Linda

Sooz006 | August 11, 2012 - 14:24

She was getting rather bored ... You'll probably have realised by now, I hate the word rather, it's one of the words in my anti-dictionary.

She was getting rather bored ... oh no, she should have carried on being six, seven is a bad age for her.

a rather sullen child, always whining and complaining .. and again, thought this one isn't as bad here, but it stuck out because we had one just a little while back.

She's just successfully battled the water once. Could you perhaps make the distinction this time that her heavy skirts and underskirts that had already absorbed a lot of water had dragged her down. Otherwise if she managed to climb out last time, while saving somebody else why can't she do it this time on her own?

head had struck as she fell in... but this works, too

Margaret's stone is just over there, next to Daisy, ... I could be wrong here, but when did they start using multiple family graves, wouldn't Margaret be in the same hole as her daughter? I'm guessing that you've already researched this and I'm wrong, but, just a thought.

Another goodie. I really do like the voice of the narrator, he/ she (I see her as female so far) comes across as very genteel and as such, she probably would use words like rather and quite, a lot. I still hate them but will forgive you (eventually... when my gravestone is mossy and indistinct) if you decide to keep them. :-)

Linda Wigzell Cress | August 18, 2012 - 15:04

Hi Sooz, thank you for your helpful comments on this one. I am catching up on comments, so will do a mass revision of this set when I have stopped sulking because I'm just back from holiday and got to do humungous amounts of washing rather than (or should i say instead of)writing which I much prefer! I so appreciate your reading this, which I had almost abandoned. With regard the narrator, That is one thread through this (would-be) novel which is revealed in the last chapter. In fact with most of the other planned stories unfinished I am wondering when to reveal the identity. Will think on that too.
Linda