Your laughter was like
the early morning rain.
It washed over the pastures
of my sleepy skin. Pitter. Patter.
Brushing away the golden beads of sweat
that your lips had once planted there.
Dawn erupted in a sculpted silver sky
and in the meadow of white linen sheets
we lay entwined.
My eager ears to your heaving chest
to listen to your heart beat. Pitter. Patter.
Like the rain
that woke me from my slumber.
The hour shone blood red
from the clock radio.
I turned to an empty meadow.
The sheets were cold and creased.
Gone.
But not without a trace.
I could feel your fingertips
on the linen, as I still felt them
on my flesh.
And I wept with the morning.
A thousand hours of daylight
between now and then.
But still in the half-light
between awake
and asleep
I wander home in the rain.
And taste your essence,
your ecstacy,
rising from the grates by the
roadside.
Comments
maudsy | July 6, 2008 - 20:56
Lovely imagery of falling water running throughout the poem: beads of sweat, precipitation and tears. I like the pastoral descriptions of the sheets and skin. The blood red of the clock dial seems to stand out like a sore thumb being, as it is, surrounded by colours that are either muted (silver sky) or transformed (sheets/skin) - was the intention similar to Spielberg's use of the red coated girl in Schindler?
I like it
MistakenMagic | July 7, 2008 - 09:48
Thank you so much for your feed back maudsy :) The red clock radio is there to quickly change the mood and jolt the reader awake - as the woman in the poem jolts awake.
Everything else is quite ethereal and dream-like until I mention a clock radio - a quite mundane part of life. It acts by bringing the reader back down to Earth.
The 'blood red'is actually an omen for the death of her lover. He hasn't left her intentionally. He got up to go for an early morning jog, thinking she would still be asleep when he got back. But he was hit by a car and killed.
Although I wasn't thinking of Schindler's List when I wrote the poem I think it's great that readers can pick up on parallels with other works, intended or not!
jennifer | July 10, 2008 - 11:10
Very obscure but this is what makes it enchanting. The feeling of loss is captured.
The line:
'The hour shone blood red
from the clock radio.'
is just fabulously crafted.
Voodoun Romance | August 10, 2008 - 17:46
I agree with Jennifer, that line was one of my favourites -- obscure, but beautiful.
I have to admit, I'm not too fond of a lot of poetry, but I liked this. Good job, Mistaken!
MistakenMagic | August 11, 2008 - 11:53
Aw cheers Voodoun Romance! Thanks for taking the time to read :)