"Verboten"

Goodness, there is more than a little truth in this (intended or otherwise). Nice piece. I don't mind German people but I just can't like the language; always sound like the speaker is trying to cough up something ;) XXX

Hehe I agree with you about the German language, Chris! I'm a french-speaker myself - a much prettier language, in my opinion ;) Glad you liked this one!

Magic xxx

Wow, so much emotion in this one. I really enjoyed the entwining on German with English.

Love this stanza;
"Damn hypocrites! We want to talk
about it - but will never use
the exact words. We're never blunt -
just not us, is it? Much more fun
to be cryptic and oh-so-poetic..."

The last stanza finishes perfectly in my opinion.

Beeme xx

Really glad you like this one, Beeme! I think you've picked out my favourite stanza - and happy the ending doesn't disappoint either ;)

Magic xxx

I really, really like this, has a bitter maturity about it. I may be wrong, but it feels like you have taken a step forward, or in another direction with this poem, Quality writing!

Thank you, Shirley! You know you may be right - this one took a lot more crafting to get all the sound-patterning just right. I'm really glad you enjoyed this one ;)

Magic xxx

My dear Magic, reading this poem was mixing sweet-wit smile & bitter. I do like the german language & like Beeme think it mixes well with english, it's french I don't like the sound of :bleh-de-blur. I also like this part best: "We're never blunt -
just not us, is it? Much more fun
to be cryptic and oh-so-poetic..."
I know how you understand me better.
Kahdai xxx

Really glad you like this one, Kahdai! And you've picked out my favourite lines ;) Thank you for your lovely comment!

Magic xxx

O good, nothing about the silly french accent :) xxx

Gosh...I've got here a bit late, sorry;-)

I so agree with all that has been said, especially Shirley I might add.

The five-line stanzas are very effective, as is the driving rhythm that you have so successfully created with your 'sound-patterning'.

More than well done;-)

Tina xxx

You're not late at all, Tina! And I appreciate all your feedback, late or not ;) So happy you think this one is a success! And thanks for all your help!

Magic xxx

This is amazing Magic!
so mature.

This line is one of my favourites:

"but then again, everything spoken
between us is in a different language"

Thank you Maggy! Glad you like this one ;)

Magic xxx

Made me think of Rupert Brooke.
"Where das Betreten's not verboten."

I liked it. 'Everything spoken between us is in a different language' is a telling line I think, though I'm not sure about where the line breaks fall.
They seem somewhat arbitrary.

Perhaps it's just me but I am interested. How does a writer of free verse decide where the line breaks come?

Helvigo Jenkins

Hello Helvigo! I'm always so grateful for your thoughtful comments and I'm glad you liked this one ;)

In response to your question about line breaks: when I first started writing my line breaks were so random and terrible! But over time and with practice I picked up a few tricks with line breaks and just got into a sort of rhythm, like I knew subconsciously where they felt right.

I always make sure I don't have shorter words such as 'if', 'the', 'and' etc hanging on the end of lines unless it serves a specific purpose. I also try to use line breaks to my advantage to serve specific effects such as a pause or an abrupt change in rhythm.

Hope this helps ;)

Magic xxx

Yes. Finally we'll be blunt:
"This is our end." Then it's done.

As in "Schluss."