I Wish I Were Half the Woman "She" Is

I secretly envy Her despite my love. I am jealous despite my respect, intimidated despite my admiration, overpowered despite my longing.

For She is everything I could not be, everything that I long to be and everything I dream of being.

No woman has been so passionate, no bride so beautiful, no heroine so courageous.
Like me, She has been hurt in the past. Hurt by men from far away lands, soft spoken with fair skin and smooth hair. Hurt more by those of her own country, the dark, the tough and the tall; and that is the worst pain of all. The very same ones who swore to serve and protect, who pledged to comfort and care, were those who hurt the most, heartless, deaf, dumb and blind.

The world had often been cruel to us both but to Her I do not dare compare, for She has cried but never wept, bled but never scarred, feared but never trembled. She had cried in silence her heart breaking with strength.

A true believer, a patient martyr, a passionate lover.

The River Nile- Kasr el Nil Bridge leading to Tahrir Square, Egypt by Mony Shohayeb
Years older than I, She did not have my wrinkles. Ages wiser She played with more youth than i did, laughed with more enthusiasm, and danced with more energy.

She was patient towards those who hurt, giving to those who took, larger than those who betrayed. Unlike me She never stopped upon loosing and never felt proud for winning; confidant yet humble, putting the prejudice to shame.

I am inspired by Her strength, Her power, Her well deserved fame. Honored by Her history, Her ever-living name. For She is my homeland, “Egypt”, “Masr”, always to remain the same.

I had once believed that there was no justice in this world, that “this” life had a strange reward system, only finding consolation in the hope that it would be fairer in the “next”. That those who were cruel, materialistic and unjust were valued, praised and rewarded while the pure, fair, and spontaneous were the ones to pay the price.

But not long after I got back into Her warm arms, to walk among her people, Her children taught me to believe, forced me to hope and inspired me to dream.

These men and women reminded me why I moved back after all those years. Among them I was sorry that I had judged the world the way I had, for the very same men who had hurt, had now healed. Those who had abandoned, united in protecting. And for everyone who had once yelled, there were tens who laughed, thousands who sang and millions who danced.

To my Egypt, a beautiful bride in white again, although I dare not compare, I wish I were “half” the woman you are.

And to my countrymen madly in love, proud that She is yours, thank you for showing me -and the entire world- love, hope and honor.
Thank you for protecting me and showing me the light. I know it was “Her” you were thinking of, Her in your hearts and your minds, but I can’t but still owe you for inspiring me -perhaps unintentionally- along the way.

Thank you for rescuing me when the tide was high, when I had doubts, fears and tears. Thank you for proving that there “is” justice in this world after all, for I am not as patient enough as She is, to wait for the one to follow. Thanks to you and thanks to Her, I am now a believer. And with the true strength She has given me, forever I shall be.