Bad Writing (IP)

Dear sir, madam or transexual person (delete as appropriate)

I enclose my entry for the ‘longest opening sentence ever’ competition; as you will see my entry comprises of a letter of entry for the ‘longest opening sentence ever competition’, please do not be confused by this, this is actually my entry and not the accompanying letter, it’s my sense of humour you see, well I hope you see, if you don’t get the joke then I guess I won’t win, but I should win, I am a great writer, I came second in the ‘shortest story about peat’ competition ran by Norfolk County Council last May, won the ‘funniest poem about Chatteris’ competition ran by the Chatteris Gazette in 1973 and was almost shortlisted for the Booker prize, according to my friend Keith who knows one of the judges, or was it the Orange prize, one of those, Rolf Harris was on the panel apparently and he overruled everyone else, anyway with that sort of pedigree you’d be a chump not to hand me first prize so I can put the medallion on my mantelpiece next to my award for the most dastardly scheme to get rid of nick clegg, but that’s another story

Yours sincerely

Terrence Oblong