'Was that you, Mick?'
'I'm afraid it was the sprouts, Larry.'
'Is the organic food not suiting you, Mick?'
'In a sense it suits me greatly, Mick. The taste is exquisite and my relationship with Mother Earth has become one of increased mutual beneficence. There are, however, undeniable unpleasant biological consequences.'
'Do you mean the farting, Mick?'
'I am indeed referring to the farting, Larry.'
'Try this pile of chopped cabbages.'
'Do not tempt me so, Larry!'
'Go on, just a few forkfuls!
'But I fear it may necessitate the attaching of a Public Health Warning sticker to my person, Larry!'
'Public Health Warning, Schmublic Health Warning, Mick. Tiz but a pile of chopped cabbages!'
'You know not what you say, Larry!'
'Are you afraid?'
Larry nodded in the general direction of the pile of chopped cabbages.
'Not afraid, Larry. Merely cautious of what may befall my bowels at the consumption of such.'
'I'm disappointed in you, Mick.'
'But I have already polished off a Ken Hom Wok-full of sprouts!'
'You ate them straight out of the wok?'
'There wasn't a plate big enough.'
'But still, Mick... Sprouts is one thing. But I really thought you were man enough to take the chopped cabbages.'
'Are you casting aspersions upon my status as an idealised representation of archetypal masculinity, Larry?'
'I am merely saying you're a wuss if you can't eat the chopped cabbages.'
'In under three minutes!' said Larry.
'That just takes the biscuit.'
'That hobgoblin over there, which is stealing one of your Hobnobs.'
'Hey!' - Larry chased the hobgoblin out of the kitchen, whilst Mick quickly stuffed the chopped cabbages into the Handy Home Paper Shredder (Â£7.99 from Stationery Box). As Larry returned, he stuck a bit of spare cabbage to the side of his mouth, for added effect.
'What the-' said Larry.
'Ninety three seconds!' said Mick.
'You are indeed a fine specimen of manhood,' admitted Larry.
'Your turn,' said Mick, as he got half a dozen tins of Sainsburys 'Taste the Difference' organic spinach out of the cupboard.
'It's a fair cop,' said Larry, as he sat at the table and prepared for the mammoth spinach-eating session ahead.
[ FIN ]