Taking the dirt tracks through the delta, I could tell he was nearby. I could smell him in the foetid marsh gases, hear his breath below the mosquitoes’ incessant whining, see his shadow behind the corpse-lights that danced in the twilight over stagnant wayside pools.
I stopped off at a cabin to ask directions one evening, just after sunset, and a pair of frightened, bloodshot eyes peered out at me over a shaking rifle.
I stayed with the old man there for the few hours he had left. The fever had swept through the neighbourhood leaving nothing alive except the rats and alligators. He had buried a daughter and three grandchildren before succumbing himself. As he breathed his last, I slipped into the shadows and waited.
The horse whinnied softly in the darkness and I could see its hooded rider silhouetted against the stars. I raised my shotgun and let him have both barrels, but he had vanished by the time I ran out of the house.
Standing over the old man’s grave, I felt satisfied with the previous night’s work. The rider knew I was after him, perhaps was even afraid. All I needed now was the right weapon.
Comments
rjnewlyn | February 9, 2010 - 23:59
Part 3 will be posted around this time next week ...
Silver Spun Sand | February 10, 2010 - 00:58
I think this story works well in a 200 word format. It certainly does for me.
Poetry has always appealed to me because it has to encapsulate a story in comparitively few words. Flash fiction, of course, also has the same requirement, and as such, this mini-series is very effective. Takes skill, mind...which doubtless, you have.
Part Three...please;-)
Tina
lenchenelf | February 10, 2010 - 10:22
Popped back to read part 1, the only problem is that I would want the excerpts daily, rather than weekly, but then, I'm impatient :-) enjoyed. atb Lena
Beeme | February 10, 2010 - 18:09
I really enjoyed this and I love these images;'hear his breath below the mosquitoes’ incessant whining, see his shadow behind the corpse-lights that danced in the twilight over stagnant wayside pools.'
I have been eagerly awaiting this and now I can't wait for part 3.
You work is so beautifully crafted Rob.
Bemee xx
tcook | February 11, 2010 - 16:26
I thought I was on the coast of Northumbria in the first section and now I find myself in the swamps of Louisiana. I think you need to find a better rooting in a place!
rjnewlyn | February 11, 2010 - 23:36
Thanks very much Tina. I'm very envious of poetic ability - which you have in spades - but, for some reason it's never been a form in which I'm comfortable. To be honest, I'm happier still with the long novel format but it's been good to work on flash as well.
rjnewlyn | February 11, 2010 - 23:37
Lena - thanks very much. Yes, daily would be good. If only life were that simple ...!
rjnewlyn | February 11, 2010 - 23:39
Thanks very much Beeme - very kind! Sorry about the wait. Rob
rjnewlyn | February 12, 2010 - 00:09
Point taken Tony and I know what you mean. I'm afraid you may not like the rest of it for the same reason but it's become one of those things I'm going to have to follow for a while. It's a bit organic though and I may cheat at some point and bring the first part a little more into line (as is the luxury of the web - Dickens would have been envious but then wouldn't have needed to think of it as much as I do).