Awakening
amidst the devastation
of last night's degeneracy -
spilled alcohol
unsmoked grass
and beside her,
a stranger
she will never see again.
She rises
to stare through hazy glass
seeing no beauty
in decaying leaves
and sodden trees -
there is no garden.
He says nothing,
barely seems to notice her
although he pauses a moment
to look at a framed drawing -
one of hers - as together
but apart, they close the door
on the holocaust.
Sitting on the tube
he talks of crossword puzzles
until he reaches his stop -
see you, he says,
before his seat is taken
by another stranger as
the tube lurches on
through the endless tunnel.
Her abused body aches,
her mind in confusion -
up, down, across
like one of his puzzles;
only nothing fits.
At Marble Arch the escalator
climbs steadily upwards -
she stumbles at the top,
recoils as a man's briefcase
brushes her leg...
adjusts her eyes to the daylight,
city sights and
sounds, loud and louder;
people hurrying,
fast and faster;
concrete greys, no colours
and no garden.
Comments
fatboy74 | January 15, 2011 - 15:45
This ia a bit of a triumph and:
Sitting on the tube
he talks of crossword puzzles
until he reaches his stop -
see you, he says,
before his seat is taken
by another stranger as
the tube lurches on
through the endless tunnel.
is a brilliantly observed piece of writing as much of this poem is. Great finish also. :-)
shoe | January 15, 2011 - 17:45
I agree with fb, it all sounds so bleak and awkward and lonely, great writing.
seashore | January 15, 2011 - 17:56
Thank you very much fb and shoe - I really value your feedback more than you know.
insertponceyfre... | January 15, 2011 - 23:50
fatboy's right. This is beautifully observed
seashore | January 16, 2011 - 10:42
Thank you so much, insert.
Thanks cherrypickers also.
Beeme | January 24, 2011 - 13:20
This is so poignant, and fabulously told. Love the use of muted tones to convey the mood and the puzzle imagery.
Beeme xx
seashore | January 24, 2011 - 14:59
Thank you so much, Beeme - it's particularly good to get feedback on previous work. Much appreciated. xx
ScoZen | April 12, 2011 - 20:14
My dear seashore.
A late dip into this one.
What a sad tale "...see you, he says,..."
Better without I'd say.
"...concrete greys, no colours..."
Time to paint the town red I think.
seashore | April 13, 2011 - 18:54
Thank you for dipping into it anyway ScoZen. A learning experience I think!
maggyvaneijk | August 2, 2011 - 09:57
This is really well-written. Reading this was like being in a fish tank, gazing through a muted distortion. It really sucked me in.
These lines were my favourite:
Her abused body aches,
her mind in confusion -
up, down, across
like one of his puzzles;
only nothing fits.
seashore | August 2, 2011 - 12:14
Thanks so much, Maggy. It's always nice to get a comment on an older piece and know that someone has taken the trouble to read way back....and what a lovely description of the way it made you feel.