Long ago three goats grazed in pastures green and hilly.
Their mother kept it simple and named the three goats Billy.
Having a name that’s just the same as your brother’s bad enough,
To make things worse these goats were cursed with the family name of Gruff.
Now those Billy goats went on a trip when springtime finally came,
They went to see their grandma; Nanny goat’s her name,
Now Nanny made some lovely cakes and had the sweetest grass,
But to get to Nanny’s pastures a troll they had to pass.
“Yeah that’s me my name is Gladys and I’m the meanest lady troll,
If you want to cross my bridge you better pay the toll.
It's a toll bridge don’t you see but I don’t want your coins or notes,
I’m an angry, hungry diva and I just wanna eat some goats”
So the smallest goat approached the bridge with cloven goaty feet.
And disturbed Gladys the troll from watching X Factor repeats.
“Hey goat my name is Gladys guess what I’m pleased to meet ya,
Cos I’m gonna rip your horns off and then I’m gonna eat ya”
“Don’t eat me Mrs troll" Cried Billy "I’m far too small and weak.
I’m not much fun to be with, I’m a boring, gaming geek.
Why don’t you eat my brother? He’s bigger, fatter too,
He’s got lovely bones to munch on and lots of flesh to chew”.
“What’s this you’re brother's coming? This time I’ll let you pass
Now hurry off to Nanny’s place and gorge yourself on grass
If your brother doesn’t show believe me when I say,
I’ll hunt you down at Nanny’s place and eat you anyway”
Billy number two approached, he thinks himself real fly
“Yeah I’m hipster in my skinny jeans with my fringe over one eye.
I’ve had an awful week though, I lost my i pod touch
I rowed with Mum, my phone has gone this week has been too much”
“Hey stop your moaning kid I’m gonna crush your bones,
I’m Gladys I eat goats so you won’t need your mobile phones.
You look quite big and tasty your brother Bill was right,
Now step onto my bridge dear boy so I can take a bite”
“No Gladys please don’t eat me I’m already so depressed.
I’ve been deleted by my face book friends my social life’s a mess.
Wait here for my brother; he’s coming from the gym,
He’s big and strong and six feet long, there’s much more meat on him”.
“What’s this you’re brother’s bigger? Ok I’ll let you pass,
Hurry on to Nanny’s place and gorge yourself on grass
If your brother doesn’t show believe me when I say
I’ll hunt you down at nanny’s place and eat you anyway”
The oldest goat then came along looking far from thin,
All lumps and bumps and muscles from his workout at the gym.
He’s got the looks, he’s got the moves, he knows he’s got it made,
All pumped and pimped and fighting fit and fueled on Goat-or-ade.
“Stop there goat, you may be big but you aint crossing here this time,
I’m Gladys I eat goats so your goaty hide is mine.
I’ve prepared the pot, the veg, the lot, for a goat and gravy dish,
But before I dine I think there’s time to grant you one last wish”
“Well I’m Billy, ladies goat put on this earth to thrill ya,
But I won’t bust a move for a troll like you so instead I’m gonna KILL YA!”
I’d keep that wish yourself 'cause before this fight is through,
I’ll turn you inside out and make a sports bag out of you.
And with that the evil troll was gone, there were no more tolls to pay.
And the goats could pass to munch on grass at nanny’s place all day,
Next time you’re out to cross a stream be sure to take a pause,
There’s a Gladys under every bridge, maybe under yours.