We are sorry to inform you,
But the cancellation’s due to,
The weather being too hot,
And it’s snowing quite a lot,
There’s a curry on the track,
The driver’s hurt his back,
There are hailstones in my hair,
There’s a radioactive glare,
The tracks have stretched a bit,
Our controllers had a fit,
The tunnels are too dirty,
And the staff are getting shirty,
Someone’s fused a socket,
There’s a rodent in my pocket,
The lighting is too bright,
It’s too dark to work at night,
There’s a busker on the train,
And a chance it’s gonna rain,
The trains are far too cold,
And the stations are too old,
There’s a bag on platform four,
Someone’s coat’s stuck in the door,
There’s a national strike today,
And a walkout over pay,
There’s a security alert,
And I’ve beer stains on my shirt,
It’s just one of those days,
So please expect delays.
©RS2011
Comments
insertponceyfre... | July 12, 2011 - 20:17
There’s a curry on the track - wouldn't it be brilliant if they actually did say that one day?
very funny - loved it!
David Maidment | July 13, 2011 - 08:11
Loved it, brought back loads of memories.
I was in the mid '80s Chief Operating Manager of BR's London Midland Region and this included the West Coast Mainline. With overhead electric wires and a very busy line with mail, newspaper, freightliner, coal trains and local passenger trains as well as a frequent Inter-City service, punctuality was always dicey as so much could go wrong - I used to tell the General Manager (with tongue in cheek) that I could only achieve our punctuality target (90% right time) if it was April or September and the temperature was between 55 and 70 degrees F and only then if it wasn't drizzling!
My functional (operating) boss at the BR Board was Terry Worrall who made the famous remark on TV that 'it was the wrong type of snow' for which, poor man, he was ridiculed. His remark was taken by the press out of context of course - he was explaining that the very fine snow that only occurred once in 40 years (according to the Met Office) had happened the first year after new electric rolling stock was built and on that advice, had cut the expenditure of half a million pounds for each train built, eliminating a device that would have protected the motors from this type of snow intrusion. The press made out it was only BR, but on the continent it was much worse - Holland had over 50% of their trains out of action and that model of reliability - German Railways, fared worse than BR, but the press never picked this up!
The classic excuse used at least twice (at Kings Cross and Liverpool Street) was the PA announcement by the revered General Manager of the Eastern Region back in 1962-3, Gerard Wickham-Twistleton-Fiennes, who grabbed the microphone from the announcer and declaimed that the arriving train was late "due to bad management"! He later got the sack from BR as he upset many of the big bosses and politicians by being a bit too frank (and honest).
David Maidment | July 13, 2011 - 08:15
PS I forgot to mention that one real announcent at Cardiff General station in 1967 actually apologised for the late departure of a London express due to 'teddy bears on the line'. I was travelling with a colleague and his family including his three year old daughter who dropped her teddy bear as she was joining the train and it fell under the train onto the track. We waited while a porter climbed down to retrieve it. We then heard that exactly the same had happened at the rear of the train - two teddy bears on the track. The "Red Dragon" then departed 5 minutes late. This really happened!
barryj1 | July 13, 2011 - 13:25
Clever as hell. A really enjoyable read.
tcook | July 13, 2011 - 13:39
Brilliant - as a (happily no longer) long term commuter from Brighton to London I know all about 'those' days - and thankyou David for your illumination!
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SundaysChild | July 13, 2011 - 14:50
Brilliant poem! Much enjoyed.
shades | July 13, 2011 - 18:50
Thank you all for the comments on this one. David I loved your story of Teddy Bears on the track. That's priceless. I don't take the train much any more and spend much of my time away from the UK in a country where things work and are on time. It's all a bit......well predictable. I miss those announcements where the whole platform of commuters would sigh in unison, look at their watches and start the mass march to work. Ah yes good times!
celticman | July 15, 2011 - 20:11
Well done you're on the right track.
Cavalcaderl | July 15, 2011 - 23:10
new shades
Really enjoyed mine is an x B/Rail.
Don't us the train much, but on way to
the London Wheatsheaf, announced case on the line.
Then it was soon cleared.
Well done on pick of the day, chosen and the cherry!
All you have done and said in poem so true.
Have a nice week-end
julie cavalcaderl
magicdarer | July 23, 2012 - 15:47
Great fun, enjoyed it very much.