Home

At Twilight

No likes yet ♦
Published by sunshine on September 1, 2009 - 23:03
from the ABC set Moments and Memories

I spent the afternoon reading,
curled up in my favourite chair;
losing myself in the words on the page.
Then I looked up
and saw that it was nearly dark.
Lamps were glowing in neighbours’ rooms
and the first autumn wind
was bending the tree I planted
all those years ago.
I shivered as the air moved through the room.
It was like your breath on my neck
and I remembered
how it felt to want you.

Discuss this piece in the abctales forum


Comments

Beeme | September 2, 2009 - 09:44

This is beautiful, Sunshine. I loved the last few lines, great finish.

Beeme xx

threeleafshamrock | September 2, 2009 - 10:13

Very nice with more than a feeling of truth. God I do love short pieces, when well done.

Chris ;)

sunshine | September 2, 2009 - 11:06

thank you Beeme, Chris. I love short as well Chris - but why is it so hard sometimes to write shorter pieces? I've changed the last line as too many 'likes'. Any ideas for a better alterntive? Margot

sarah wilson | September 2, 2009 - 12:16

Beautifully done. Don't change a thing Margot.
sarah x

sunshine | September 2, 2009 - 18:09

thanks for your generous comment Sarah. Margot

sunshine | September 2, 2009 - 18:10

Chris - maybe the feeling of truth, if indeed there, is because for me there was/is a truth in this. Margot

Sikander | September 3, 2009 - 17:38

Loved this.
It really drew me in. The observations are precise, but express such feeling.
Beautiful.

sunshine | September 3, 2009 - 21:13

Thank you so much Sikander.

fire | September 13, 2009 - 20:24

Very good, the way the simpleist of things can stir and shape the world around us to create and project such emotions within us.

Loved it.