An Extract from 'Life with my suitcase' by Edgar Whitter

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Wed, 2006-02-01 16:46

markbrown

An Extract from 'Life with my suitcase' by Edgar Whitter

http://www.abctales.com/story/edgar_whitter/an-extract-from-life-with-my...

Hmmm, I'm not sure where I stand on this one...

I think there's some interesting things here, and a swashbuckling romantic romp shot through with a spike of sadness that I'd like to read, but at the moment it's not there in the text.

"I had my manuscript tucked away in my leather satchel. Had I really come to Paris to be a novelist? It seemed like such a clichÃ©d thing to be doing."

I can't work out whether the rhetorical question is in itself a cliche, which then makes this a cliche about pointing out cliches...

I'd like to see this in the third person rather than the first. I'd like to read ABOUT a pretentious young writer and his adventure, but I'm not sure I want to hear a pretentious young writers account of his adventures. The young writer in this case being protagonist, not Edgar.

There's a lot I like, but not in the present form it's in. I want to experience and imagine what's happening rather than having a narrator that sardonically comments on it, telling me what to think. All the stuff about Bunuel and Paris being a city of whores: Great stuff to have someone in a story think, but I think it needs to be 'given' to a character to say or think in relation to what's going on, rather than have it hanging in the narration.

Any other ideas?

Cheers,

Mark Brown, Editor (on leave), www.ABCtales.com

Wed, 2006-02-01 17:04

Juliet OC

I agree with a lot of what you have said, i have read all of Edgars work so far, and this to me was the weakest (though i think he has a great style). I hadn't thought about the fact that it was written in first person, his other stuff isn't. Sound advice, though i would like to hear Edgar's point of you as to why he chose 1st person. Juliet

Juliet

Thu, 2006-02-02 09:01

Edgar_Whitter

Hi, thanks for the comments regarding my extract. I was greatly inspired by James Joyce and this work dates from about four years ago when I was going my final year at college. I wanted the whole stream of consciousness thing going on which I really love. Joycean scholars or people familiar with his life will notice the Galway, Ireland reference. I agree with Mark about the whole cliched thing but that arose from the whole historical perspective of writers being attracted to Paris because it is a haven for poseurs and wannabe writers just as New York, London and Dublin. The setting of Paris is significant and I will include other extracts or I might include the whole 17,000 word story/novella if you would like to read the whole text. Thanks for the comments, its better you have an opinion of my work than not!

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