Brixton Stinks by spack

Top use of surfeit. Really grotesque imagery in a mundane surrounding. Always good. "I have a room for life at the Home for the Chronically Groovy."

I was just about to flag this one up when I noticed someone had beaten me to it. Very wry, witty descriptions and an excellent ending.

Thanks for the flag Josie and for the comments Kirsty and Gilbert. Josie - you're right about napalmed. The only reason I used napalm was that napalamed, although grammatically correct, sounds more clunky because there's already a word ending in 'ed' (gnarled) in the same line. This is my first poem with a reference to John Merrick in it. Youf all been... sho kind. I am NOT an animal. Joe

These are my thoughts: I hearted a lot of the imagery, but felt the first bit crams too many positioning modifiers into one sentence: 'with a' 'for a' 'on the' 'of a' 'in front of a' They combine with line breaks that felt, to me at least, a little arbitrary, to make the opening stanza clunky with no obvious purpose. I wonder if you could split it into two sentences. (maybe lose the 'parked in front of' qaulifier, and put a full stop instead) 'Chargrilled' is one word. I don't think you need 'the' in: 'The piles of plaintain and cassava', nor do I think you need 'are' on the following line. Incidentally, re josiedog's comment, I think 'gnarled as naplamed limbs' would flow quite nicely. Love the John Merrick reference, though I'm sure you can find a more evocative adjective than 'modern'. The last image is fucking class. And those are my thoughts.

Thanks Tim. I have re-edited it and I think it's improved. Cheers! Joe

Nice. Enjoyed the rewrite. Adroitly handled, sir.

The rewrite is excellent, it's scrumtralesant. mmm...

The rewrite is excellent, it's scrumtralesant. mmm...