Feedback please | ABCtales

Sat, 2007-04-07 20:41

#2

Phil_harvey

I like the feeling of it. But, personally, I find reading alliteration a little hard on the brain. Listening to it spoken with the intended pace it can work. However it breaks my reading rhythm. probably just me. :)

Sat, 2007-04-07 22:57

#3

Margharita

I thought it had terrific rhythm, catching the feel of a train. I too found the alliteration a bit hard going to begin with, but then I read it aloud several times, and each time I read it I liked it more. I have to say I still don't think I fully understand it :( but that rhythm and the way the words are put together do indeed haunt the brain. I think it's very skilfully put together. M

Mon, 2007-04-09 22:00

#4

JK

Phil/Margharita, Thanks very much for the feedback - it is very useful. Much of my work is language-based so I apologise if it is a bit of a brain-drain to read, being abstract with lots of rhetoric. The story, if there is one, is that a man is lying in his bed feeling sick with fear about his spooky surroundings. The rocking of the house giving life to a normally inanimate object. I was attempting to blur the boundaries between the supernatural and reality, showing that the man's own sickness and poor physical condition is the actual disturbing and haunting aspect of his situation. The man is scaring himself and I have tried to portray him as some kind of ghoul. Cheers, Kevin

Mon, 2007-04-09 22:00

#5

JK

Phil/Margharita, Thanks very much for the feedback - it is very useful. Much of my work is language-based so I apologise if it is a bit of a brain-drain to read, being abstract with lots of rhetoric. The story, if there is one, is that a man is lying in his bed feeling sick with fear about his spooky surroundings. The rocking of the house giving life to a normally inanimate object. I was attempting to blur the boundaries between the supernatural and reality, showing that the man's own sickness and poor physical condition is the actual disturbing and haunting aspect of his situation. The man is scaring himself and I have tried to portray him as some kind of ghoul. Cheers, Kevin

Tue, 2007-04-10 09:12

#6

tcook

Dear Kevin, Now that these members have given you feedback I do hope that you will be able to find the time to give feedback to others. Just pick some stories you like, flag them up here and say what you like and don't like about them. It makes the world go round! Regards, Tony

Tue, 2007-04-10 19:41

#7

Karma

I loved this piece. The alliteration added to the flow for me. The word use is very discriptive, and created a visual sense of the work as I read.

Wed, 2007-04-11 11:31

#8

JK

Hi Tony, Yes. I will be more than happy to provide feedback for others. Kind regards, Kevin

Fri, 2007-04-13 21:36

#9

QueenElf

I think others have said what I feel about this. It's a good start & I hope to see more.

Lfuller