Need some advice please

Oh blimey. This needs proper thought doesn’t it. What age is the girl now, Lisa? Is there just the older brother or are there other siblings? Did the parents mention her moving into her brother’s room? And if so, did they offer any explanation? What sort of public relationship do the dad and daughter seem to have? Doesn't look good does it. Ok, as it stands, I think I'd have to go to the mum and say, look, I know this is awkward but I just felt you had to know what your daughter has been saying. If the mother had any suspiscions... mind you, they're not reknowned for knowing are they... oh god, complicated. ~ www.fabulousmother.com

Um, obviously you need to do something. http://www.nspcc.org.uk/inform/newsandevents/informnews/protectingchildr... That's a leaflet from the NSPCC website. They have a helpline. Call them and get some professional advice.

The helpline number is here - http://www.nspcc.org.uk/helpandadvice/whoturnto/nspcchelpline/helpline_w... And the site explains the procedure of what happens next.

The drinking, the arguments and 'the looks' have sent a chill to be quite honest. My gut feeling is there's something nasty going on. Good luck with the helpline, Lisa. ~ www.fabulousmother.com

It seems to me that it isn't up to you, Lisa, to worry about the truth or otherwise of what's been said, or to worry about someone else's marriage, rocky or otherwise. You aren't making the accusation. You're reporting to a responsible adult what has been told to you. A responsible adult should be expected to act in a responsible manner, and in the best interests of a child. Carrying a secret, or feeling to blame for what may or may not happen afterward, shouldn't come into it. It's the right thing to do to be calm and responsible. Good luck. You're going about this the right way. Look after yourself, Cheers, Mark

Nice one, drew ;) When the power of love overcomes the love of power, we'll find peace. - Jimi Hendrix

I just wished that there had been someone who had interfered in my parents relationship. I think we pussyfoot around to much about 'oh we must keep the family together at all costs.' Bollocks! Myself and my siblings (8) would all have been better off in foster homes. Make that call, there is most definitely something rum going on.

and congrats, lisa..for dealing with this in such a mature and responsible manner. This is something that would knocked me for six regards what action to take ;) All the best to you!! :) When the power of love overcomes the love of power, we'll find peace. - Jimi Hendrix

What a grim situation, but you cannot stand by: for evil to triumph and all that. I am alarmed that the girl has introduced others to porn-sites, what times we live in. I understand that you feel ambivalent, I'm sure you'll do the right thing. Good luck.

Oh Lisa, what a dreadful position to be in. I’m sure the helpline will make things clearer though – they’ll be wise heads and know all the possible reactions and the best way to approach this sort of thing. And as Mark says, you wouldn’t be accusing anyone of anything – you’re just passing on the information. It’s going to be impossible to act naturally with this couple from now on anyway, so in that way your relationship with them is already screwed (although I know that’s not the relationship you are worried about). My old next door neighbour had concerns about a friend of theirs because of the inappropriate way his young son was behaving towards her daughter. There were other worrying signs too (can’t remember what they were now, very long time ago). I don’t think Liz said anything in the end, just avoided the family (they weren’t that close). But it’s always worried me and I’m sure it’s always worried her. There’s obviously something the matter, even if it’s just the way the daughter has been talking and the porn sites, etc. It’s odd but, if the daughter had told that story to a grow-up that she knew would get her dad into trouble I could think of more reasons why she might be making it up. But to tell a friend her own age… well, I just can’t see the motivation to do that maliciously. It would be a very odd thing to brag about if you know what I mean. If she was sexually precautious and intrigued by the subject she could have said she was doing x,y,z with a boy or something. I really think the most simple explanation is the right one. The girl confided in her friend because she wanted to tell someone but couldn’t bring herself to rock the family boat. Your daughter was concerned enough and was convinced enough to pluck up the courage to tell you. You’re stuck, honey, you've been told, you’ve got to pass it on. You're just a link in a chain of events - don't feel responsible for the outcome. ~ www.fabulousmother.com

Just one more thought - it strikes me the older brother is aware of the situation because what 14 year old boy would *want* to share his room with his kid sister if she had a usable room of her own. ~ www.fabulousmother.com

Follow the advices that mark has given Lisa. A discreet investigation will be undertaken via School or some other means.

Best of luck, I'm sure the NSPCC is the right route - far better than Social Services, who are constantly over stretched. The other option would be to pass back the message via your daughter to get the girl to call Childline. all the very best, Tony

Absolutely... Childline. Whatever else you do, Lisa, if there is something going on with the child (and it seems pretty likely something is going on), she needs to feel she can pick up that phone. If you can help her to feel she can do that, that's probably about the best thing you can do. Secrecy is the worst shield of child abuse. pe ps oid Blogs! "the art of tea" "that's an odd courgette"