conservatory by alan benefit

That's what I envy about you, Alan: the apparent ease with which you create character-based stories. I just write stories with characters in! I have a suggestion for possible improvement, but I'm afraid they'll make the story longer, not shorter... I feel the story drifts towards reportage occasionally. For example, the first visit to the creative writing class. Perhaps if we heard some of the conversation about shared interests? And there are a few other bits that would benefit from being drawn out in the same way. It would stop the story seeming rushed. There is a lot in this story, but it needs to be allowed the space to show it. I enjoyed it immensely though.

Thanks very much, Tony. That's cheered me immensely on what's been a lousy day! I had my doubts about the story, and in the end it felt a little laboured - but I'm glad you liked it. Comments taken on board, ggggareth, thanks. I take your points. I didn't want to go too much into the stuff with the class, as I felt - wrongly, maybe - that it might be an unnecessary digression (though I feel there may be a bit of that in the story, anyway). I didn't want to draw it out too far - just wanted to try to dramatise the 'dilemma' this guy's going through, where he is just finding it difficult to know if he's done the right thing, whilst at the same time knowing he loves this woman and can't imagine life without her. I feel it may be something that an awful lot of people go through. If you're interested, a strong model for the story was Raymond Carver's even more succinct, but nonetheless profoundly nuanced story 'How About This?' - in his first collection 'Will You Please Be Quiet, Please'. Well worth a read if you want to see how someone who's really in control of his material does it.

D'you know, I've never read any Raymond Carver. I'll have to right that wrong. I know what you mean about wanting to keep the focus on the story. If you want to keep it as a short story then I suppose the way to get round the issue is to cut, cut, cut... Rather than worry about how to handle the writing class, just get rid of it. Say they met in a creative writing class, and leave it at that! However, if (like me) you're interested in the characters, then the digressions could be developed and made to work... make it part of a bigger story; perhaps break it up a bit, intersperse this story with other characters' tales. It did occur to me after I made my first comments that this could work as a short playscript. It's very visual, particularly the ending. And that would definitely make you cut out anything unnecessary. Cheers, Gareth

Thanks again, Gareth. I'll think on what you've said. I think, certainly, that Jo's character could be drawn out more. If you want to read the best of Carver, try his collection 'Where I'm Calling From' - his own 'best of' choice. 'How About This?' isn't in it, but 3 of my all-time favourite short stories are: 'Cathedral', 'Menudo', and 'What We Talk About When We Talk About Love'. When I first read those 3, I was stunned. Couldn't get them out of my head. Still can't, obviously! He's not everyone's cup of tea, but I'd go along with the common critical view of him as 'the American Chekhov'. Read his essays on writing in 'Fires', too. They're truly inspirational. He's especially close to my heart 'cos he did it the hard way: blue-collar upbringing, no special education at first, struggles with an early marriage, alcoholism, dead-end jobs. It wasn't handed to him on a plate: he had to work hard for it. http://www.amazon.co.uk/Where-Im-Calling-Selected-Stories/dp/1860460399/... http://www.amazon.co.uk/Fires-Essays-Stories-Raymond-Carver/dp/000273010...

I've just ordered "Where I'm Calling From". Damn you, Internet. Everything's just too easy! When Ive read a few of the stories, I'll see you on Booktribes! Thanks! Gareth.

It'll be money well spent! But don't forget 'Fires' (well, okay, you can probably find it in the library). Enjoy...