I don't want ... by macmanaman

Got the makings of a classic, but needs some streamlining, I feel. "Washing machine might break and flood" is great, "the utility room" is superfluous. Perhaps I'm feeling old, but "shitty" doesn't sit with the rest of the poem. Cheers.

Thanks for that tony and gggg. Has been tightened up since posting, i think the use of 'shitty' is because i was listening to the kate nash album while writing. she uses 'shitty' well so I thought i'd try to. mac x

I on the other hand liked 'shitty'... because it feels a little incongruous... and has more power thereby? Anyway, when I read your poem out loud, I gave it some venom and it seemed to work for me. But hey... Different strokes. Snorkelling in the Bahamas??? I wish!

Actually, after I wrote these comments it did occur to me that it might be very different as a performance piece. Good call, Ewan.

What is it with the utility room? You're obsessed, man! http://www.abctales.com/story/mcmanaman/id-love-to-help