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Missed sending a thanks to you for your comment, Rachel. Much appreciated.

Hi Kev, A much brighter week in the head, oh yes. There's a message in that footy story, and it's that managers are still the scourge of the people. Perhaps, also, he didn't want to press charges. These are the little scraps that the government portion off to those stupid enough to pay good money to watch 22 overpaid baffoons kick a ball around. Still, if it justifies a man's existence as he toils swilling shite from one dork to the next, that's pretty much all he deserves. I'm allowed to say all that because I'm a confused, self-piteous Arsenal who has lost all belief in the game. All thee best Richard

Hi Maggie, Glad this gave you a few chuckles and for the MT comparison. Course you can send it to your hubby. I'd love to read his writing too. The government have lots of fun ideas to help returning soldiers reintegrate back here but I wouldn't help my breath. They were full of hot air when they got in but it seems to have fizzled out to a stain on HQ's brainstorming carpet now, which is earmarked for replacement at a cost of £3.65 billion. They closed down the last dry house I was at in May(which had been open since the 70's) promising to use it to rehabilitate returning soldiers but it's on the market through estate agents now. Amazing how they get away with it. They're doing the same with care homes and centres for adolescents. All the best Richard

nice (there's that word again) to hear from you, Celticman, and ta for reading. All the best Richard

Hi John, I applaud your trawling and am grateful to you for my sporadic inclusion in the magazine. I know what you mean about the cliques and they're there for a reason (that people genuinely love each other's work mostly, but also to encourage). There can be little tough love in such cliques but maybe that's not important. It's a community feel. What I like most about Abc is its structure; homely, unpretentious and thorough, even to the extent that the non-cherried posts are given a voice thru the mag. I've become lazy and only read cherried stuff and now hardly any long fiction, mostly because I'm not using my days very well at the mo. That it's a free site and uses volunteers only goes to show that it's possible to run an award-winning business without so much as a receptionist. The government could learn a thing or two and so could big companies that spend zillions on gilded cages for its superiors. Abc's a revelation in how to make something life-changing from a collective desire to give, and anyone who thinks otherwise needs his head testing. All strength Richard

Let her have it, Maggy. She may not trust you because she's been in England too long (it's a common disease called 'imbalancious fearanioa'; very prevalent among aspirationally predatory females, you know), plus you may well pose a threat as being more attractive, having longer legs, better skin, a brighter outlook, snappier dress sense.. (bang, a little slap around my chops and I've come back to my senses now.) Have a nice day, Richard

hi Sooz. Yep, the very people that go out of their way to set up government bodies to ensure that animals used in films aren't hurt in any way can go home and watch as their own labrador tries to bark 'hello'. Oh, and they take the claws out of cats' paws to keep them from ruining sofas. Glad to hear Dave and Saxon are getting to know each other! Saxon's a great name.

I know just what you mean. Years pass and I still can't mould some stories into shape. Maybe I'll miss out the intro and tweak the story.

Haven't read it yet but in the library to get it out, that and Red Tory by Philip Blond, if they've got it, which is about a new system of government, apparently. All the best

Thanks, Oldpesky. I know what you mean, but even those most deplorably lost in themselves hold emotions that need airing.

Thanks for reading all the way. Glad you saw the funny side of it, too. Your encouragement means so much to me.

Thanks for reading, Scozen All the best Richard

Thanks for your comments, David, and for reading the story. I'm new to the site but will definitely put big stories like this in sections from now on. Best wishes, Richard

Hi Hilary. I'm glad you found this funny. I had fun writing it.

Thanks Rachel. Glad it made you laugh.

Nice one. Just done it with the librarian (you can but ask, I always say). Copy and pasting is now a breeze. It's official. Hope all's well with you. Richard

Hi Highhat, Yep! The easy life. I think the closest I'll get to that at the moment is Allen Carr's Easyway to stop smoking. Hope you're well.

Another reliably good read full of paradox. Two cars; one a convenience-riddled machine of Japanese mastery, hated by its owner, the other a costly restoration project, probably British(?), loved and cherished by its owner, if only for the memories it evokes. Marnie sounds like a real find.

Hi Louise,thanks. I thank sobriety! What a buzz!

Hi Jenny, What a lovely post from you. It was a weird dream alright. I was lying next to my mate while the doctors (who surely must have thought I was asleep) talked to our doubles lying next to us, telling them all of our traits and how to act. Frankenstein eat your heart out! I think it might be to do with conditioning in society but it could be about me growing up and realising I'm not the centre of the universe, which is a drag but I think I'm going to have to come to terms with it sooner or later. All the best Richard

Hi John, Even Sean Connery would shit his pants on the spot if he was pitted against the Bournemeister, and the other Bonds would just run away with their wet knick-knocks round their socks. I'm talking about the best action thriller hero in the history of mankind here. Bourne's the rollocks and you know it! All the best Richard

Perty on down like it's anointy nointy noine!

I identify with this poem. Just watched a 2hr video of 8mm film done by my bro-in-law years ago, and I'm trying to define my feelings and place in the family back then, noting every sisterly scowl and camera-friendly smile. There's no rewinding or fast-forwarding. Just the present. Nice poem

For someone who has been through so much, you are living proof that the human spirit can win over adversity and live as an honest, loving person. Acceptance of the past is the key to the present. I wrote this as a piece of fiction but I do spend a lot of time worrying for people and especially children in distress, mostly because I haven't seen my daughters for so long. The most constructive thing I can do is pray for them. Their mother's solicitor tells me they live in a lovely house in a good neighbourhood, which is one thing, but that's not everything as you know. I really feel for the girl who writes this letter and hope it conveys how destructive the system has become, gluing everyone together in a slow-boiling culling cauldron filled to the brim with misplaced hatred. All the best Richard

I'm in the process of publishing my own children's story. The reasons I'm going alone is that a. I don't hold much hope from publishers in the current climate and b. I believe in the book wholeheartedly. I know it's a longshot but I'm giving it a go. I've an ISBN code and a publishing company set up. The illustrator is nearly done (he's doing 28 colour line drawings of great quality) and next is the finance for printing. I'm looking at £2500 for 1000 copies or £1500 for 250 copies. I have lined up library readings for schools and two council will be buying a copy for each of its libraries. With the ISBN code, I can sell at bookshops across the country and they can order copies at the touch of a scanner. If you truly believe in your daughter's writing, and I'm sure it's as good as you say, get some help from anyone you know or those who you may be able to approach and ask for an honest appraisal. I am very willing to read your daughter's story and will give you my honest and humble appraisal with confidentiality. You can contact me thru the site if you wish. Well done to your daughter for taking the plunge and going for it. Just doing that takes amazing courage. All the best, Richard.

I'd take the alley every time, unless it was dark, then I'd use the long way round. Ever since I was a skeletal speedfreak walking back to my Mum's at 5am from a mate's house after a night gnawing the inside of my mouth pretending I was hip, I've had this weird thought someone wanted to kill me down some dark, mysterious path, plus I've seen too many horror films and episodes of Road Wars to take the alley. Anyway, it's a cut through!

Great story-telling and really good, honest flow. There's not a word out of place.

I am living in my car on a boat between Jersey and Guernsey. The only food I have is Alpen and the milk's just frozen over. My cat's jumping up and down on a suitcase to keep warm and my lighter's just run out. All contact has been smashed in by a lunatic captain who's just found out his wife's having a steamy affair with an Alaskan penguin called Chicken Chops. The only time he leaves his cabin is to get more ice for his whiskey. Only joking...Can you send that email, Tony? Thanks from Blighters.

Amazing how, as we deal with the past, we become more comfortable in our own skin only through forgiveness. I was so proud and lost that it took me ages to forgive my defective parents. My new journey starts here. Great poem, Seashore

I wonder how the snakes got beheaded and why I don't do rough sleeping more often. Most the time it was through necessity in the past but you've managed to make it sound like a gift to the soul. I've been vulnerably housed for a while now (most my adult life, if I'm honest) but I never felt quite so vulnerable as when I moved in with a rich girlfriend to share her mega-house in Chelsea. Didn't last long, as you can gather. I used to love the outdoors, looking at the stars and seeing in the dawn, but I was always high on something or other. I really should take a leaf out of your book. If you sent this to the 'Streetlights' section of the Big Issue, I reckon they'd love it, Their readership is totally open-minded and might encourage them to seek out the real beauty of dwelling with nature. My Mum went on a lot of European caravan hols with her boyfriend before she became ill, and she always said it was better than any hotel, waking up in a field surrounded by nature. This is such an uplifting piece, Rask. Well in. All the best Richard

Every present becomes a past, and the past can never be truly relived. I reckon the past tense gives a story credibility, in the context that the reader's inclined to think it's already happened so doesn't need to question it.

When I reread this, I thought 'oops, that sounds just a tad like me' to a scarily large portion of these plain truths. And there's me thinking this was addressed to the twits I deplore for status quoing their tits off so they can order in a pizza once a week and keep up bill payments. I'm coming through to the other side slowly, though. Yep, that's me, my face poking out of my arse, a brown-haired reborn. At least I don't feel like one of God's bastards any more. You're right; religion's dandy for the mass market of spirituality, although it's a bit like McDonalds in the burger market; accessible, cheap, good for the kids, looks good in the bun but leaves you hungry for something else very quickly. (No offense to religionists, mind. That's probably just me talking out of my arse.) There's hope for us yet, Kevin.

What this piece says to me is that we've collectively lost every ounce of human integrity that was meant to make us what we are today. They always talked about building a better future before, then they sold everything off in the 80's and now..zilch, diddley squit, just a lengthy snore in the Houses while the others enjoy lunch (see Oona King; Queen of the Benefit Cheats). It's a good thing this Harry enjoyed the beginning of the end because this piece illustrates exactly why the end is fast approaching. It's also a great entry to Let's Start Again. All the best Richard

Ta, Kevin. Re-reading this I think I might have been a tad separated from planet real but I'd say give it a go. We can wear as many hats as we want so long as we don't lose our heads! Good to see you delving into a sesh of poeskytry. A change is as good as a rest and all that. Richard

Sounds like the beginning of politics and democracy and everything else that's been hacked and chivvied for the few to enjoy. An enjoyable, easy read.

Wrote that last one when snozzled, so I'd like to try again, as this is close to my heart. It's great that you've highlit this travesty. Unfortunately, the time has passed to do anything about it in a conventional way. Every transaction that one makes in the 'free economy' feeds and utilises from those hideous bloated insect-people who sit around their smoky card-tables and gamble on the despair of the marginalised. Get the name; Goldman Sachs (Rapes and Pillages). They're a nasty little lot, only out for their own sickly ends. Most claim to be very religious! How, though, can we stop them when our government is sucking their thumbs for them and brushing them off? British govt in entrenched in the vile easy-money gains of the elite and gets away with it by offering benefits and a lax law system for the more corrupt of the poor community to work on. Nepotism is killing the country slowly, and we'll just watch, because there really is no substance to British society any more. Everyone knows that we're all part of the problem (the big trick used by the money-monsters is that we can't live our lives without them). I wish that these crimes could properly documented but the most we can expect of the truth is a nice little half-hour of Panorama, after which we'll watch Crimewatch and think ourselves lucky to sleep. Yawn. These bloated insect-people are all of a certain type (they've all been abused and therefore love to abuse) and sadly there are many many of a certain religious belief that separates them and aggrandises them from the rest of the world. But we continue to let them destroy us, which makes us almost worse, and certainly more pathetic, than they are. No wonder there's so much terrorism in the world. The bastard bloodsuckers are bleeding us dry.

Landlords make a profit even when tenants are dead. Sounds like a plan our devoted government might like to explore.

I enjoyed this. The very innocence of the lad was comical in its honesty. He almost denied the notion that Topsy may have felt the same way from the word go. Even when she was playing to the crowd I got the feeling that she was goading him into kissing her, although she could no doubt sense his earthly discomfort. Girls know what they're doing while we boys stand there gawping, then whoosh, the moment leaves forever. This story brings to mind a great little poem called Salmon Leap which was posted a few days ago. I think you'd revel in the mixture of innocence, fear, adventure, natural human instincts running riot and a salmon's inate sense of belonging. All the best Richard

You might like a website called trendsjournal.com. This reminded me of that song 'The revolution will be televised'.

Hey Jennifer, I really appreciate your kindness. Life's amazing without drink and drugs.

Easily replaced, these types. Still, one down.

Very powerful stuff, and I don't mean what Danny had in mind. Some lovely wisecracks spattered around, especially the priceless Englishman with a Scottish banknote gaff, and a really good message to those who want to stay away from the bollocks. You showed perfectly how addicts take as many people down with them as they can, consciously or not, as if that world is the only one on offer. Getting out of the drug-cycle's an inside job, as the narrator knows well. Besides, we only tend to get help when we're almost done for. A great entry. All the best Richard

A penis is French slang for a pipe, but knows? I may just be pulling your leg. Great convoluted meanderings in lieu of a piece, hardly constipated by its delivery and well worthy of a big splash. Much enjoyed. All the best Richard

Another good read. The evil banshee bit and the building site. by the way, you know why it's got bits of plastic in the dope? All the friendly bouncers and police get together and chuck the stuff they've confiscated into a big vat, bags and all. Lervely people.

This had a sympathetic tone to the failings of BR or whatever they call themselves now, which leans the reader towards enjoying the piece with ease. Thanks for helping out with setting up on Wednesday. It was good to meet you and chat for a while before the evening started. fair play to you, Richard

Like Jacques07, I'm not as great a lover of post-box red as I used to be in my rave days. There's a lovely colour by Dulux called Green Lichen that is very easy on the eye. I can't think of anything else I'd like to change on the site, though.

ps. like Fatboy says, avoid wordiness. It'll kill it on the first paragraph guaranteed. Write as it comes into your head, read 'Catcher in the Rye' and 'Ham on Rye' (two ryes don't necessarily make wron). If you don't like the first/second/third/fourth draft, throw it and start again. First annd foremost, this is a voice-finding exercise. Once you've got it, make sure you don't let it go.

Great dialogue and sense of fun between the two lassies, and the ticketman. Quite a few typos, celticman. Bar that, this was a very readable addition to the story.

Nice one. I was waiting for someone to do something on the reward of a cherry. We are children, aren't we...It's tough getting one, and has no relevance to how the writer him/herself feels about their piece, but it's much more rewarding and worthwhile to get a message from a reader who found it pertinent to them. Having said that, the cherrypickers are very good at what they do, and are usually spot on when they need to be.

Thanks Pia, LG and Tina, I didn't know how people would react to this so thanks for the encouragement. All the best Richard

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