Bodily secretions

It's head urine. Pissheads get it.

No, it's earwax that comes out during the night...

How do you know if women aren't affected?- how many female pillow cases have you changed? Why don't you get him to change his own pillowcase- are you women's lib or not?

You don't get balder than me and I don't have yellow pillow cases. I just checked with my wife.

I've changed many a pillowcase and have honestly never noticed this. Hope it's not getting you down!

I've interview a number of pillowcases and one of them turned yellow and ratter on the other two baldies.

I thought this was a writing site not a place where you air problems about leaking brains. I mean how do brains leak? through peoples ears of course or maybe through cracks in the their skulls. I don't think you, woman , are taking this site seriously. This is my experience with your outrageous questions time and time again. Where do you get off!

Oh NO we don't have leaking brains here as far as I know but otherwise there isn't that much difference. It is a completely irrelevant topic to post on the forum and I am quite astounded that you can't find somewhere/someone else to to ask about your leaking brains. It doesn't sound like a serious problem that has to do with writing. This is not a contribution to the site. It's the pinnacle of ignorance. Go to a doctor with your problem(s).Or better still work it outfor yourself. Don't waste other peoples precious time. I can't take it seriously. It's ridiculous.

But then many forum topics have little to do with writing, they focus instead on the multicoloured, endlessly interesting embroidery of life, which is the inspiration for all artistic acts.

but not pure and utter ignorance. Sorry Walrus but I find this forum post offensive to my intelligence. I'd like to see anyone inspired by this tripe!

That'd me me then. Daddy's home Pia.....

I'm off to write a poem about yellow pillowslips and leaky brains.

Surely there's more to life than sexless white sheets and doing someone else's washing?

Actually, Pia, I think my sheets are pretty sexy, even if they are slightly yellow with a faint, fishy aroma. Which is easily masked with a squirt or two of Lynx, if you've seen the Arctic version of the advert you'll know that it's guaranteed to draw vast herds of lady walrus from several hundred miles away. Which is why I'm completely knackered and I haven't got the energy to change my overripe bedding.....

Oh Walrus I am so pleased for you and your Arctic sheets- As long as they don't start oil drilling in your bedroom!

I had to double case my ex's pillows because he used to dribble...disgusting. This is in General Discussion where anything goes, so as long as it's not taking over the writing parts of the site, I have no problems discussing dirty laundry. :-)

A bunch of orange coated bastards with funny accents started drilling some fifty yards from my humble abode last Tuesday, Pia. I was already pissed off with my noisy nuisance penguin neighbours and their constant altercations with Vince and Brian, a couple of otherwise quiet gay polar bears, so I filled my ears with quick-setting concrete. Problem solved, or so I thought..... The Norwegians keep emptying their potties on my formerly snow white front garden, which is a health risk apart from being very unsightly, and the vibrations from the drilling are slowly but surely demolishing my multi-storey igloo, so I may have to move. There's a flat for sale over a newsagents-cum-fishmongers a couple of hundred miles up the coast. I'm flat broke, but Cerise the Comely Caribou is willing to rent it out in exchange for seven hundred and fifty pounds of sphagnum moss a week and a chance of working with Santa Klaus, who happens to be a friend of mine (plus, reading between the lines, the odd sexual favour). It's compact and bijou, so I may have to burden British tax payers with my countless common law walrus wives and children - but I'm at my wits end so if I can squeeze my fat arse through the front door I'm seriously considering moving in.

I am going to send Greenpeace your way. I may even volunteer to chain myself to something- the pigeon hole? to protest. We can't have a igloless Walrus and countless family members forced from iglo. Though working with Santa sounds fun this time of year. Cerise will be inviting you to moss tea-I don't know how you feel about that? Take care - she may even want to steal your arctic sheets.

It's too late, Cerise doesn't mess around. My Arctic sheets are torn to shreds and covered in indelible mossy cacky hoof-prints. Cerise is bloody killing me - she can be very demanding, you know. She's the most merciless caribou I've ever had the misfortune to meet, and for reasons beyond my understanding the words 'no' and 'please no' don't appear in her vocabulary. Also a constant diet of moss is buggering up my digestive system (I'd kill for a fat, juicy bloater). I don't normally eat the stuff, but refusing Cerise's 'hospitality' would mean certain death..... As I've recently discovered, as well as being an insatiable sadistic nymphomaniac dominatrix and part time newsagent and fishmonger Cerise is an undiagnosed psychotic with a jealous streak and a penchant for casual axe murder and dismemberment. The tundra for miles around is strewn with headless corpses (she keeps the heads neatly arranged in rows of china cabinets in her living room to gloat over) and crudely hacked body parts, and even the polar bears keep well away. Shit, she's more frightening than Hillary Clinton. Well, almost. If you're planning to chain yourself to something, Pia, make it something useful - a sub-machine gun should do the trick. Help!

I bet it is your own submachine gun and in the mood you are in I think it may be dangerous to chain myself to it. So I'll just cool down and cop out. Grab the nearest boat Walrus and get out of there before you die of moss poisoning.

Shit, my stomach has expanded to fifteen times its usual size. The moss must have been contaminated with Norwegian dung.....

yeh that's pretty potent stuff- Norwegian dung. I know because I have been in Norway and I made it a point staying away from their dung having noticed what it did to the natives.. You need a sprinkle og Sgt Peppar!

A dose of antibiotic from the local veterinary surgeon (Vince the Violent Vinyl Velociraptor), a couple of paracetamol and an early night should do the trick. Hopefully.

The best solution, I would have thought (and even better than Foots' yellow pillowcase suggestion)would be to never, ever have blokes of the male persuasion sleeping in one's pristine, female pit. http://www.ukauthors.com

Couldn't agree more, Tan. Nothing like rabbiting away to yerself in bed whilst having a good drag on a fag. http://www.ukauthors.com

Won't the fags turn the pillow cases yellow?

Nah, they're lady fags. http://www.ukauthors.com

Pink then?

Does anyone know the way to San Jose? And by the way, who ate all the pies?