Recovery Position By Fergal

fergal, this is utterly lovely and poignant. I'm not sure about the parentheses around 'heavy smoker snores'; it kind of, I dunno, changes the voice in a way that interrupts the flow, like something inserted as an afterthought. Maybe commas? (I realise this is pedantic-sounding and really down to stylistic preference). your breath, heavy-smoker snores, or even a hyphen: your breath - heavy smoker snores- . Otherwise, the poem is perfectly-formed and so wistful...

you have tapped into this without sentimentality - the quality street image is cracking. great read, ty Juliet

Amazing! And a wonderful ending. I don’t really care for the parens, either – but it doesn’t take anything away for me. I imagined it without them, and even without that line altogether, and I loved it just the same - no more, no less.

I know nothing of poetry but I agree about the brackets, apart from that brilliant, brought the picture of moving on to the mind. It's only since coming on this site that I've actually started reading poetry, so thanks. Harry Kerdean

"You will be anecdotes, scattered Through pub-talk like Quality Street wrappers On the carpet after Christmas." my favourite bit :)

Thanks for the nice comments - made my day. I agree about the bit in brackets. I didn't want to put the sound of 'breathing as you sleep' as this felt like a cliche, so I've tried a few things and realised that 'the sound of you' works better. Thanks again.

sometimes I read things and I think... hhmmmm wish I could write that. This is one of those fine things! I still not down with capitals letters at the start of lines, I find it gets in the way when I want to read straight on. But that is just personal preference, dont mean nought. Hey miss, I cant write poetry, you are an ace poet. My favourite bits are the quality street wrapers on the carpet and the abrupt ending. Made me go, och ow. Span

*beams* I like being called an ace poet. Especially by an ace poet.

A thoroughly delightful poem, full of poignancy. Masterfully done. You have my admiration.

Thanks again. I wonder if it would end better with the following: Or that I will have forgotten That this once Mattered. Advice invited.

I really like the way "that this was once" sounds, so I would be inclined to say leave it as is. But maybe "mattered" is a better word than "important", so I'm torn, but leaning toward leave it as it is.

Well, that's two people whose comments I respect, so think I'll leave it. Thanks again. I have to say it is really handy when people help change something to make it better. Hurrah.