an outing by alan benefit

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an outing by alan benefit

http://www.abctales.com/story/alan_benefit/an-outing

the characters in this are drawn well and not over cliched. The day trip felt real and i was in that bus.

However when they reached the cafe IMO there was too much explaining -as a reader i didn't need to be told how 'normals' see them, the action was enough to show that, as well as my own experiences of people with special needs, which all readers will have to some degree, even if it is only in a seaside cafe.

I would edit this with less of the explanation which detracts from the story. I liked the substory about Annie this worked along side the apparent story. i liked the ref to not waving but drowing it summed up the narrators feelings.

a well desrved cherry.

Juliet

This is brill. The dialogue is excellent. The tone is charming and genuine. I didn't have a problem with the description/dialogue balance. I thought it was nicely weighted. Your bring out the Annie back story really well and, oh yeah, Alan Benefit is a superb moniker. Just call me Mr. Praise. Ta! Joe
Thanks Juliet and Joe. I've taken your comments on board. You know how it feels to have a story and not know if it's any good? Well.... I now know at least 2 people who like it. Thanks again. Al
>>> You know how it feels to have a story and not know if it's any good? Well.... I now know at least 2 people who like it. That's the "benefit" (((sorry))) of ABCtales, Alan! In the time I've been a member, it's improved my confidence no end. ~PEPS~ “There is no spoon.”

The All New Pepsoid the Second!

Thanks, Peps. My blogs over on 20six and Platform27 are a huge source of confidence-building, too. I'll be posting some of them here in due course. Anyone who wants to check them out, they're at www.platform27.co.uk/Alan-Benefit and www.20.six.co.uk/tales-of-stan Thanks again, Al 'Shaken, not stirred'
And now it's story of the week - well deserved too!
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