A-The Sad and lonely tale of the &;#8220;Grand Barbu&;#8221;

The Sad and lonely tale of the "Grand Barbu"

Today I have an epic tale; alas a sad and lonely tale, one where the
hero does not prevail, our champion a one very sad hairy arsed
whale.

The fellows name was the "Grand Barbu" his father a giant sapphire
blue. An underwater streamline locomotion, can you imagine the
commotion when Mother produced a Son with a mass of hair upon an ample
derriere.

"My dear," he said, "what have you done have you mated with a red arsed
Gibbon?"
At this affront her anger could not be sated, his behaviour could not
be tolerated.
"Be gone buffoon, or you will not like what I do, I and I alone will
bring up Bu."

But after father aired his views, the Great Blue's council had to issue
her with sombre news.
Although maternally a wrench, the "Grand Barbu" was banished to the
Mariana Trench.

So abandoned as a freak, the "Grand Barbu" wondered if he reeked, of
this he asked the other whales, but they just sniffed and off they
sailed..

But live he did on absent-minded squid, from which he pounced on from
where he hid.
But to catch fish they'd have to be unaware, he'd snare them in his
rectums hair.

One day just off the coast of Rangoon, when danger loomed, some
Japanese appeared with harpoons.
Barbu's fate was heading for a Kyoto Fishmonger's plate, so there was
no time to hesitate.
With lifted tail and Sphincter thrust he produced an almighty anal
gust.
These men were soon on bended knee's but not because he cut the
cheese.
For when he farted no wind departed, for he went and followed through
and sprayed the crew with squidgy poo.

But heroic tales and legends count for nowt, his score with the birds
was as promising as rain in a Saharan drought.

"There is no future in your jet propelled slop," they'd say "Your
blasted excrement has had its day."

So that's the sad and lonely tale of the "Grand Barbu," who one day was
found marooned pining like a love sick loon, heartbroken, stranded on a
desolate beach spurned one time too many by a streamlined blue aquatic
peach.